Wednesday, January 18, 2006


One of the arguments that religious conservatives use in trying to ban gay marriage is that if you let people of the same-sex marry, it will ultimately cascade throughout all of creation, leading to our ultimate and violent doom at the hands of a vengeful God. Sure, letting Elton John and his partner marry seems harmless, but this is but the first step in a parade of horribles. Next thing you know, some guy will want to marry a goat and then all sorts of unnatural unions will occur, resulting in the end of life as we know it.

I had always assumed that this was absurd, but apparently, things have gotten worse than I have ever imagined -- as if the gay penguins weren't enough. Reports from a Tokyo zoo of a hamster and snake living together are nothing short of catastrophic. Rather than serving as a quick snack, the hamster now shares a cage with the snake, who now refuses to eat frozen mice. "I've never seen anything like it. Gohan [the hamster] sometimes even climbs onto Aochan [the snake] to take a nap on his back," explained zookeeper Kazuya Yamamoto. No word on whether a "commitment ceremony" has been planned.

The natural order has been upset. We're doomed.


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