Avast! A Pirate for Congress!

I know International Talk Like a Pirate Day be last month, but here be some good pirate news for ye, me hearties. Though Iowa might seem like nothing but a breeding ground for landlubbers, thar be pirates there! And one of our own be running for Congress. Aye, James Hill be running as an Independent in Iowa's First District. Hill proudly proclaims that he is "the only drunken Pirate seeking office in this great nation." What would Hill do if elected?

"I would have your wife right in front of you. I would smoke the last of your glaucoma medication. Then I will surely drink your liquor cabinet dry. However, know this my friend. I will never break an oath to uphold the public trust. My affidavit will be signed in my own blood. A Pirates crimson mark, with real binding effects into my after life. Laugh if you will then ask yourself if you could do it."

Yarrrrrrr! That be a pirate after me own heart... except for the whole sleepin' with a wench part.