Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Eye Of The Storm

I've had the feeling that my life's about to change very soon. I see it all around me -- the old ways are passing away: whether it's politics, economics, or the particulars of my life. I guess that's been the thing that's jumped out at me about the Hillary vs. Obama race -- to the underlying dynamics are really all about this generational shift: the old ways vs. the new ways.

In any event, I've felt the change coming, most of the time I've been very focused on the changes coming in my own life. I've had my share of angst over them -- on one hand, some of the particulars in my life have been a struggle these past several years, whether it's been about work or (lack of) relationship or what have you. In a lot of ways, it's been the struggle of feeling like they're not really working out for me. Yet more and more I'm coming to see some of the lessons that they've been teaching me and appreciating them for the things they have brought to my experience.

Circumstances seem to be accelerating now -- sometimes I'm feeling like I'm racing against the clock. Will I be ready? Can I handle what's to come? Will these changes be for good or ill? I guess the main thing for me has been paying attention to those last few parts of myself that are still afraid of moving forward -- those somewhat muted, but persistent, elements that have kept me deeply rooted where I am. This long process, I can tell, is almost at an end.

Of course, it's not just about me. This evening I got a reminder of that with a nice family shitstorm that has absolutely nothing to do with me. I'll spare you the details, though I can assure everyone that nobody is dead or even seriously injured. Rather, it's just your garden variety family explosions. To be sure, everyone in the family is apoplectic, convinced that it's all coming apart. They may be right. At the same time, I can't help but stand back and feel like it's just the catalyst that gives things the opportunity to come back together in a better way. And that is a very comforting thought.

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