Neutrality

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Neutral Man's Burden
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Mark Sanford

I love Stephen Colbert. He manages to get to the heart of things with ease.

True.

(Thanks to The Daily Slab.)

Bizarre Zombies

Okay, I've been a little quiet lately and I think it's because I've had far too little zombie contact lately. I remedy that immediately.

Nothing says "joy" like zombies and a 90's one hit wonder from New Zealand.

BALLS!

For those of you who think that a little teabagging might be hazardous to your health, turns out you might be right. Well, at least it is if you're talking about blowfish testicles. The AP is reporting that seven people were sickened with blowfish poison when an unlicensed chef prepared the dish. It just goes to show, be very choosy about the balls you put in your mouth. Personally, I prefer balls that aren't likely to cause paralysis.

Milestones

This is a bit of a milestone here at echeblog -- my 1000th entry. I thought about commemorating it right after the Inauguration or with a beef haiku... but neither of those felt right. After all, above anything else, this blog is about ME. It's my story, it's a reflection of me, not of beeves, of politics or celebrities or even of music. I wanted to use this moment to do something special. I thought about it for a few days and the idea really crystalized this afternoon. I had been trying to figure out how to pull it off, and then circumstance intervened. I received this comment a few minutes ago that was just perfect:

"Your blog is absolutely pointless. Have you realized that you live a trite and meaningless life, or has the fact continued to evade your conscious mind? What a waste of natural resources your (as well as you family's I presume) existence represents. Do the world a favor and bring an abrupt cessation to your existence."

So, you might think to yourself, "That's horrible!" or "What a dick!" or "Hey, he's right!" At earlier parts in my life, maybe I would have felt hurt, angry, annoyed or maybe defensive... deep down, I might have even agreed. What struck me was that I didn't feel any of these things. Rather, I found myself to be incredibly amused... Amused because for the first time in my life, I have the deep knowingness that this comment is the most absurd thing someone could say about me or anything I do. Someone could tell me that I have fifteen heads, purple scales and legs made of cotton candy and it would STILL make more sense than that.

I'll be honest here, I've spent plenty of time questioning my own value, whether it's because I haven't found the success I want, or look the way I'd like to, or manifested the stuff and relationships I've always wanted... and through the whole process, I kept wondering why it seemed like other people got to determine what I was worth and how valuable my ideas, work, music and LIFE were. How 'come all these other people get to set the hoops through which I must jump?

Finally, in the past few days, it finally hit me: Your opinions don't mean zip. I mean that in the most loving way. I'm the one who gets to choose, I'm the one who decides how I feel. Maybe I didn't see it before, but I do now and that's a wonderful thing. I couldn't think of a better use of an important milestone. Even more importantly, it's just the beginning -- I'm only just letting it sink in just how many amazing things about myself are there, how much I've grown and achieved and what mind blowing things are yet to come. I really am doing remarkably well. And so are you.

Job Security

Marc's Midweek 'Bad Santa' Holiday Haiku

Who's that strange fat man,
and who let him near the kids?
Ho, ho, ho, indeed.

I Know That's Right!

Seen today. The Universe is trying to tell me something!

A Holiday Reminder...

I know that the holiday season is here and people are trying to celebrate, even in these uncertain times. Thankfully, the powers that be in New Zealand have given us an important reminder: Please don't swing the baby.


And maybe it's just me, but doesn't the guy in the video look like Adam from This Boy Elroy?

Guilty Pleasures

I have a confession to make. This past weekend I spent with my family for Thanksgiving and as a part of that, we made a group run to the video store. On the sale rack was something unexpected... unexpected because I forgot it was being made -- Starship Troopers 3: Marauder. I mentioned in a previous entry that I really dig Paul Verhoven as a director and I really enjoyed the original Starship Troopers -- it's brilliant satire, I had read the book in college and Verhoven really gave a great spin to the story. I'd be lying if I said the other big reason I enjoyed the movie was the hotness of Casper Van Dien.

I described this as a guilty pleasure because Starship Troopers 2 was only slightly better than Sarah Palin's Katie Couric interview, and coincidentally, did not feature my beloved Casper, nor did Verhoven direct. Verhoven didn't direct this one either, but this one included Casper, so, for $3.99, I decided to take a chance and hope that there would be gratuitous shots of near-naked Van Dien. I was rewarded for my faith.

Not only were there beef shots of Casper, there was some other tasty flesh in there as well, if you're willing to put up with some unimpressive breasts. In my estimation, the quality of beef far outweighed the price.

Aside from the beef factor, overall, this one was definitely better than the second -- Edward Neumeier, who wrote all three screenplays and directed this one, went back to the political and social satire that worked so well in the original, and was missing from the second. Neumeier isn't as adept at it as Verhoven is, but the decision to make the ham handed use of religion as a political and social tool the underlying theme of the film is quite timely and amusing. Including a music video of a uber-patriotic song created for the film called "It's A Good Day to Die" is brilliant. The scary thing is that it's not too far off the mark from what you'd find in your standard pro-military music videos that have come on the scene since 9/11.

So on balance, for $3.99, it wasn't a bad buy. There's definitely beef, though not as much as I'd like. The film is watchable, though not something I'd watch too terribly often. Still, I can't get enough of nearly naked Casper, so this is one guilty pleasure I just can't hide.

Cosmic Humor

Just in case you forgot that the FSM had a sense of humor: Exhibit 1: The Furby. Yes, they're evil and will steal your soul. But you thought that was just make believe, didn't you? You didn't think that a real live Furby would show up to devour your very essense, did you?

The evil is real. When your doom appears, you'll know it originated in Indonesia.

H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

It's official. I'm going to Hell. So sayeth The Worldnet Daily - one of those whacked out "news" sites for conservative Christians. You simply cannot support Barack Obama and be a "Good Christian:" "Obama will use your tax dollars to kill innocent children, and then he'll take your paycheck and use it to 'spread the wealth around.'"

Sound familiar? It's almost like reading the McCain campaign's talking points. It's not just coming from The Worldnet Daily -- the Catholic Church has also thrown it's hat into the ring with the logic that abortion is the sine non qua for being a "Good Christian." Never mind that there are other issues out there -- like torture and the occupation of Iraq. Never mind that the economy is in the shitter and that people are tired of sending tax money to bail out giant corporations.

None of that matters. "To those who think that God's grace gives them license to willfully disobey Him without consequences – think again... Then obey Him in the voting booth and out of it." It's so painfully clear: OBEY. You MUST obey! Do what we say or you will be punished... if you think it's bad now, wait until your father gets home. Yesiree, I'll give you something to cry about!

It's been around 2000 year since Christ, or so we're told, and despite all of his divine goodness, the church of the day is still telling the people to obey and fear, rather than to love and trust. Give me that old time religion, indeed.

True.

(Thanks to Scott at Bill in Exile for this!)

My Eyes... THEY BURN!

Okay, I applaud Ron Howard for what he's trying to do and all... but let me tell you, Ron Howard has not aged well. He's in Nicholas Cage territory now. While they're both balding and resemble the Crypt Keeper, there's one horrific difference... that this video made abundantly clear -- HOLYFUCKINGSHIT I just got subjected to seeing Ron Howard shirtless. The sound you're hearing right now is the baby Jebus weeping.

One Crazy Bitch...

I refer, of course to the power-abusing Sarah Palin. Betty White, on the other hand, is amazing.
(From AmericaBlog.)

Say Hi To Your Mother For Me

With Tina Fey's portrayal of Sarah Palin, my interest in Saturday Night Live is renewed. I was watching one sketch and noticed that Will Forte is kinda hot. Even when they're trying to make him rather frumpy, he still manages to be strikingly handsome. Another one of my favorites is Andy Samberg, who I also find to be rather hot. Lest you think my interest is purely physical, here's a video of Samberg doing an impression of Mark Wahlberg that is spot on. Enjoy, and say hi to your mother for me.

My Life's Motto

Found this past Friday night. I can't think of truer words.

SFW?

Ok, I'm not always up to date with the latest viral craze, but apparently Diesel has this new video that's sweeping the ol' Interweb. It's clever, I must admit, and I can't help but marvel at the absurdity of straight porn. Especially straight porn from the 70s. But straight porn in general. Yeah. So watch for yourself.

I Can't Believe It's Not Palin!

For those of you who watched Sarah Palin's disastrous interview with Katie Couric and just can't get enough of Palin's garbled nonsense, there's hope! A new website will generate Palin-speak for you on the fly. A sample:

Q: What is the role of the US in Iraq and Afghanistan?

A: Afghanistan will lead to war and it doesn't have to lead, as I said, to a position like we are today with so much collapse on Wall Street. That's to blame. And that is what America and American troops are providing in his country. But no, the Pakistani people also, they want freedom. They want democratic values and tolerance and freedom. I see the collapse that we're on, reform of this state that I do bring to this table, and that's with the energy source that is the foundation of our best interests to fight against a regime, especially Iran, who would seek to protect the good guys in this, the leaders of Israel and her friends, her allies, including us, all of these countries, especially Russia.

Yes, computer generated Pailin. Brilliant! Check it out: InterviewPalin.

So Say We All!

I was talking with my friend Mikey today -- he's still having some heartburn about the election... While he can't stand McCain, he's not not sold on Obama and he's looking for another choice. Fortunately, I stumbled on someone that I think will appeal to many out there:

That's right, for those of you who need a President with military experience, Admiral William Adama has what it takes to lead the people to the promised land... even if it turns out that this promised land got nuked.