Sunday, March 13, 2005

Toward The Sun...

I've spent a pretty good share of my 31 years on this Earth grousing about the various details of that existance... I guess that's pretty common, although one of the biggest details I've always struggled is the sense that my inner world is very different from those around me... Anyway, I digress. Its been over a year since I graduated and life has been one giant holding pattern. Every morning life is just a jumble of loose ends or puzzle pieces I can't seem to put together no matter how hard I try. I'd be lying if that didn't drive me crazy a decent part of the time. How I've yearned for at least one piece to fall into place so I could finally start putting things back together... but things just keep floating around. To look at it, things really seem like a mess -- still in career limbo, my incurable single-ness stretches into its 5th consecutive year, I miss having my own place in a BAD way... add it all together and toss in my tendency to analyze things over and over and over again and its a wonder that I am not heavily medicated (or heavily self-medicating)...

I guess the strangest thing is that it doesn't feel that way at all. The past few days have been objectively pretty uneventful... Well, unless you count me finally getting in contact with the recruiter in LA and finally hearing that the Entertainment Law position I was so jacked up about had been filled already... (as if the long silence didn't already tell me that...) I suppose I should be upset or worried or something similar. The bizarre thing is that I'm not.

A rare weekend to myself doing very little... I spent most of Friday night downloading music and doing some much needed practice mixing. Saturday I had the extreme pleasure of having a long conversation with Mr. Wicked Man himself, which had me simultaneously wishing I lived closer to Detroit so I could actually hang out with him and thanking the Powers that Be that I don't because I might actually risk getting in the line of fire of his psychotic ex-wife. I also had a long, very deep conversation with my friend Jan, which ended up with my cell battery running out to cap a long evening. Today was watching Bride & Prejudice, a modern Indian-flavored rendition of the Jane Austin classic, Pride & Prejudice, which I likened to the result of mixing a good meal of chicken tikki masala and couple of hits of LSD - a very colorful, musical, Indian-flavored trip that somehow blends together well in a bizarre way. (I recommend the movie, btw - its a musical and they even have Indian drag queens!) Throw it together with e-mailing back & forth w/ Mr. LA more than I do with most of my good friends, and all in all, there's just been a lot of positive stuff to enjoy.

I guess the big thing is that a while back it might frustrate me at some level because I would expect some of it to lead somewhere or make some kind of sense. At least for the moment, I'm just enjoying the things that are in front of me and I'm not worried about the rest. The bigger things are going to work themselves out - they always do, I know that. Its just nice to be able to stop and be with what is right now. Note to self: Remember how this works.


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