Thursday, February 23, 2006


On New Year's Eve morning, as I come home from the bar after another set and stop at the off-ramp right before my house my old car wheezed and then gave me a big "Ca-clunk!" as I pulled into the intersection when the light turned green and limped home. In my head I tried to reassure myself that it wouldn't be TOO serious, although the feeling in the pit of my stomach gave me a different answer: I had just heard my car giving up the ghost.

20 hours in LA for New Years Day, the Fiesta Bowl and a trip to the mechanic later, I finally got word back from my mechanic that confirmed what my stomach had told me nights earlier. I had blown a rod in my engine and it wasn't really worth fixing. It was time to look for a new car, I suppose. Panic set in, at least for a few hours.

I had been asking the Universe for a new car for the past year -- a blue Mini Cooper, to be specific -- knowing that my old car had given me plenty of good years. Once I stepped away from the uncertainty of things, I managed to regroup and the car I had been asking for seemingly fell into my lap, just as I had asked. I had only needed to trust that everything would work out ok... and they did, even better than I had imagined.

Jump forward to Monday afternoon when my manager scheduled a meeting with me... again my gut fires off a warning I would have preferred to ignore. I had been asking for a job that I really enjoyed, one that allowed me to be creative to help people... the current contracting position has been comfortable and I've enjoyed the environment, but like my old car, I know its not what I really wanted. That evening, I managed to reassure myself that I had jumped to the wrong conclusion and that everything was business as usual.

This morning I got the news that my gut received days earlier. While I fight off the waves of self-doubt and second guessing and accompanying uncertainty, I can't help but notice the feeling like I've been through this before -- that this is just the catalyst I need to bring in something shiny and new that I just can't believe has fallen into my lap. Its over the cliff I go and I don't really have much choice but trust that I really can fly... this is just the door opening to what I've been waiting for, right?



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