Thursday, March 22, 2007

You Want Cream n Sugar With That?

I've had kind of a long, frustrating day and was really looking for something to lighten my otherwise tired, grumpy mood. Fortunately for those who have to live with me, I found it.

I'm not a coffee drinker by nature - though for some reason I remember having developed quite an affection for coffee flavored ice cream when I was a kid. In recent years, however, while not being anything near a coffee afficionado, I've grown to appreciate a good cup of coffee. To boot, I've made a couple of friends recently who have officially listed "Starbucks" as their house of worship.

Brief interlude -- one of the indignities of going from your typical law firm lawyers to doing contract work, aside from much lower pay& no benefits, is the fun of being drug tested prior to certain projects. Hell, at most law firms drugs are practically encouraged if they'll help you bill more hours. So, prior to my last project I went in to give a "sample" and as I handed the plastic sippy cup to the woman working there, aside from thinking that collecting urine samples has to be one of the worst jobs in the world, I remarked to myself, "Ok, you want cream and sugar with that?" Hardly the most original line, I know, but what else are you supposed to think when handing someone a cup of urine?

Point of that last story is this: what could be more natural than the marriage of urine and coffee? If you thought chocolate and peanut butter were two great tastes that taste great together, you obviously haven't tasted a soy vanilla urine latte. Apparently, others have beaten me to the idea. Today's example -- an 8th grader in an Indiana school decided to give his teacher's coffee a double shot of urine. Those Indiana folks have that wholesome midwestern image, but first they're talking about gay tolerance and now this. Apparently urine and coffee are also popular with the post office in Ohio. Have they not heard of premium coffee out there?


More bizzare news:

Butch it up, Officer Mary!

In the Philippines - gay members of the National Police have been ordered not to swish. "If they sway their hips while marching, or if they engage in lustful conduct, I think that will be a ground for separation," explained spokesman Chief Superintendent Samuel Pagdilao.

And closer to home...

In Chandler, a mere stone's throw from where I live, a young man learned the hard way that if you're going to start a meth lab, its wise to purchase a fire extinguisher prior to its operation... you know, just in case. Driving to Wal Mart to purchase a fire extinguisher once the fire has started is a little too late.

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