Perfect?

A couple of conversations I've had lately with Scott have gotten me thinking... A big chunk of life, IMO, is looking at the world around you and then dealing with expectations. How should I look, act, walk, talk... how do I fit in? I think everyone has to deal with that to some extent, though some have an easier time than others.

As for me, I don't know if it was just being gay growing up, though it was probably a combination of things, but fitting in has always been a challenge for me -- I've always had that "swimming upstream" sort of feeling. Especially with DJing and blogging becoming bigger parts of my life, its made me ask the question: Just how far are you willing to go to fit the ideal?

This reminds me of an episode of the Twilight Zone called "Number Twelve Looks Just Like You." In this episode, everyone undergoes an operation on their 19th birthday that makes them look and act like everyone else - beautiful and well adjusted. One teenage girl, on the eve of her birthday, decides she wants to remain the way she is, to the alarm of her family.

For myself, I've spent a lot of time learning to be more comfortable in my own skin, with varying levels of success. At the same time, I can't help but wonder what it might be like with a little tweak here or there... How would things change? Would it make me happy? If it meant giving up what makes me who I am, would it be worth it? Would it be better? Would it be worse? How far is too far?