What's a Guy Gotta Do?

Several people have recently asked me why I'm still single. Normally, I simply brush these comments off with the statement that I'm content being single and that the right guy will come along when it's time. The sad truth of it, however, is that fate has conspired to keep the guys I'm interested in away from me. Every guy I would want to date is either taken, or becomes taken shortly after I meet them. Here's what I have to deal with--

(in no particular order)
Ben Browder (shown right) - Of Farscape fame. Strong, funny, intelligent, looks great shirtless. Married, with kids. No, I've never met him and even if I had, I'd have to fight off Adam from Donut Jelly for him.

Nick Lachey (shown left) - Of 98 Degrees/Newleyweds fame. He's gorgeous, talented and has those big, kissable lips. We all know about his wife, Jessica, about whom I would describe as dumb as rocks, if it weren't such an insult to rocks everywhere. Don't get me started on her wacko religious father or no-talent, lip-syncing sister, either. And you better believe that I can give better head than she could ever dream of giving. Chicken or fish, indeed.

Mr. LA (not pictured) - He keeps popping up in my life, despite my better judgment. Intelligent, huge heart, knows how to go to bat for a friend, loves Mom & Dad, successful, has the most beautiful blue eyes. Some nights he won't take his eyes off me, other nights I'd have to fight for his attention - something I just refuse to do. He disappear before I really had a chance to talk to him on that first encounter, and then promptly started dating someone soon after. Just when I think I have him out of my system, something happens.

Sean from Toronto (shown right) - A medical student from Toronto. Intelligent, charming, easy to talk to, always pushes me to grow. He was set to come visit me in Phoenix right before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, fate intervened and he was forced to cancel his trip. Shortly thereafter, he was swept off his feet by a doctor at the hospital where he works, who happens to be incredibly attractive, built like a brick shithouse, hung like a horse, and treats Sean like gold. Now, I'm happy for you and all, Sean, but come on, that's just not fair.

Now, let me repeat that I'm not in a hurry to get involved or anything, but that might have something to do with the fact that the Universe is smacking me down hard. The only thing that really makes me feel better is the knowledge that as far as I've heard, Daniel Goddard (shown left) is still single. Of course, with the my luck in finding a job in SoCal combined with the Universe's seeming insistance that I remain single, I'm sure he'll have found the perfect partner about a week before I make it out to LA.