Where's An Ark When You Need One?

The tiki god is angry again. Last time, in a fit of liberal pique, the tiki god had caused Hurricane Katrina in order to punish America for its mistreatment of black Americans. This time, the tiki god has gone back to his old conservative ways and caused some floods in the UK in order to punish Her Majesty's subjects for their decadent ways.

Rev. Jerry Falwell... er, I mean, Rev. Graham Dow, Bishop of Carlisle, explained that the tiki god is angry... VERY ANGRY:

"In the Bible, institutional power is referred to as 'the beast', which sets itself up to control people and their morals. Our government has been playing the role of God in saying that people are free to act as they want."

Free will? As if. TIKI GOD MUST BE OBEYED! TIKI GOD SMASH!

Of course, it all gets back to The Gays: "The sexual orientation regulations [which give greater rights to gays] are part of a general scene of permissiveness. We are in a situation where we are liable for God's judgment, which is intended to call us to repentance."

TIKI GOD HATE DISCO DANCING AND METROSEXUALS!

Plans to appease the tiki god by throwing several virgins into the fires of the holy volcano are currently in the works.