OMG, Chris Evans!

I went with Adam and my friend Chris to see Push tonight. Adam had directed me to the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and they were pretty grim. Adam was particularly put off by the presence of Dakota Fanning. Nevertheless, the movie starred Chris Evans, so after Chris envited me, I was determined to go and enjoy it simply for the presence of Chris Evans.

While my expectations were low, I have to say that the movie itself wasn't half bad. No, it's nothing award winning and the plot was a little thin in parts, but I'd give it a 6.5 or so, probably something best experienced at a matinee or on DVD for those of you who don't drool over Chris Evans (maybe just lesbians), but I'd have raised the rating to a 7.5-8 if he had taken his shirt off. That's right, he kept his shirt on for the entire movie. Nonetheless, Chris Evans was amazingly hot and I have to admit that he's come a long way as an actor. So, if you don't mind admiring him with his shirt on, Push is worth a look.

RIP Lwaxanna Troi

Or, more commonly known as Majel Barrett-Roddenberry. The wife of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry died at age 76, of leukemia.

w00t

I know I'm letting my inner geek show, but I just saw the trailer for X Men Origins: Wolverine and I found, to my delight, that they'll be including my favorite of the X-Men -- Gambit.

Along with the end of BSG, this makes 2009 a year I'm looking forward to!

Guilty Pleasures

I have a confession to make. This past weekend I spent with my family for Thanksgiving and as a part of that, we made a group run to the video store. On the sale rack was something unexpected... unexpected because I forgot it was being made -- Starship Troopers 3: Marauder. I mentioned in a previous entry that I really dig Paul Verhoven as a director and I really enjoyed the original Starship Troopers -- it's brilliant satire, I had read the book in college and Verhoven really gave a great spin to the story. I'd be lying if I said the other big reason I enjoyed the movie was the hotness of Casper Van Dien.

I described this as a guilty pleasure because Starship Troopers 2 was only slightly better than Sarah Palin's Katie Couric interview, and coincidentally, did not feature my beloved Casper, nor did Verhoven direct. Verhoven didn't direct this one either, but this one included Casper, so, for $3.99, I decided to take a chance and hope that there would be gratuitous shots of near-naked Van Dien. I was rewarded for my faith.

Not only were there beef shots of Casper, there was some other tasty flesh in there as well, if you're willing to put up with some unimpressive breasts. In my estimation, the quality of beef far outweighed the price.

Aside from the beef factor, overall, this one was definitely better than the second -- Edward Neumeier, who wrote all three screenplays and directed this one, went back to the political and social satire that worked so well in the original, and was missing from the second. Neumeier isn't as adept at it as Verhoven is, but the decision to make the ham handed use of religion as a political and social tool the underlying theme of the film is quite timely and amusing. Including a music video of a uber-patriotic song created for the film called "It's A Good Day to Die" is brilliant. The scary thing is that it's not too far off the mark from what you'd find in your standard pro-military music videos that have come on the scene since 9/11.

So on balance, for $3.99, it wasn't a bad buy. There's definitely beef, though not as much as I'd like. The film is watchable, though not something I'd watch too terribly often. Still, I can't get enough of nearly naked Casper, so this is one guilty pleasure I just can't hide.

Avast, Ye Scurvy Dogs!

Yarr! It be International Talk Like A Pirate Day once again, ye landlubbers. Be watchin' this classic instructional video if ye be needin' a referesher.


If ye be in the mood fer more Pirate tomfoolery, be seein' this fine film: Pirates of the Great Salt Lake.


Thar be a new addition to th'Pirate celebration this year: Zombie Pirates In Love.

Nothing Important Happened Today

I ended up having a slight change in plans and ended up going to see X-Files: I Want to Believe with Alex. While I was never a hard core X-Files fan, I generally liked the series -- personally, I enjoy the premise of the true believer and the skeptic trying to uncover the unexplained. I liked the experience of challenging the types of things that we'd like to ignore or deny. It was entertaining to believe that there really was much more out there than we see in our day to day existence...

...and the sexual tension between Mulder and Scully was off the charts.

Flash forward to the present movie. The original series is best summed up with the iconic phrase, "The truth is out there." Sadly, the latest film is best described by one of the episode titles in season 9 (for the record, I looked it up) -- "Nothing important happened today." I won't go into the plot -- perhaps some of you might actually go see it... not that there's much to spoil.

I didn't have any expectations going into the film, so you'd think it I wouldn't be disappointed... but I was. Why? Because by the end of the film you realize, it was all hopeless. Mulder is still tortured that he hasn't found his sister, the abducted sister that even HE admits is dead. Scully is still tortured and raging against God. This time, there's no conspiracy, at least nothing out of the ordinary. Just tortured people chasing more tortured people... and that's the saddest part: the realization that there's nothing left of Mulder & Scully, only their withered shells that STILL. CAN'T. LET. GO. What's worse is hearing them go back and forth about how they just can't be together because neither of them can do much more than not let go. It was like the final episode of Seinfeld where the writers make it clear that at the end of things that everyone is exactly who they were when they started. It was all for nothing.

It's really surprising how many people I heard expressing their disappointment in things as the credits started. Why? Because by the end of the film the only thing that happened was that Mulder & Scully decide they'll go back to being miserable together. Great. Back to where you started. SO glad we went through that. Nothing important happened today.

Best. Title. Ever.

I was talking with Adam about going to see the new X-Files movie tonight. I was checking to make sure that it was out, popped over to a movie site only to discover the best movie title ever: The Midnight Meat Train. Ok, I know it's really another edition of "oh.my.god. we're.all.going.to.die." starring Tori Spelling and featuring a flesh eating Nicholas Cage, but this is the best title of a real thing that sounds like porn since Dexys Midnight Runner's, "Come On Eileen."

The Midnight Meat Train? OMFGBBQ, how many gay men haven't ridden that? Or wouldn't enjoy riding it? What makes the whole idea even more delicious is the caption on the film poster on the right: "The most terrifying ride you'll ever take." Yeah, that's what all straight guys say until they actually ride the midnight meat train... and then he tells you that he was sooooooo drunk and he's never done ANYTHING like that before, he swears and please don't tell anyone... and oh by the way, why don't you give him a call sometime so you can chill, watch SportsCenter, drink some beers and "hang out," ya know?

Heh, thinking of a straight guy calling the midnight meat train "the most terrifying ride you'll ever take" makes me think of a guy who's been featured on StraightHell.net. (Definitely NSFW!) Either that or he hasn't been able to admit to his friends that he's been featured on Sean Cody for the past 6 months.

In any event, I'll leave you with the above mentioned Dexys Midnight Runner for all you nostalgic types.

Oh. My. God. We're. All. Going. To. Die.

Last week, Adam and I went to go see Hellboy 2-it was opening day and we didn't get to the theater early, so there weren't any decent seats. We decided that rather than split up or trying to squeeze in between a group of very geeky breeders, we'd suck it up and just sit in the front row. We were immediately punished by the Universe, first by a wave of nausea from being so close to the screen and then by a preview of the new Nicholas Cage flick - Bankok Dangerous. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- Nicholas Cage is looking AWFUL. He looks even worse when you're RIGHT in front of the screen.

Right before the movie started, we had another treat -- a preview for the latest bad horror flick - Quarantine. Essentially, it's a bunch of people locked up in an apartment building who all die in some unspeakably gruesome manner, shot in the style of The Blair Witch Project. Oh boy.

Several months ago, while watching BSG at Alex's, there was a commercial for some horror flick I never bothered to watch: I think it was Cloverfield - another bad horror flick shot in The Blair Witch Project style. The hallmark of these films, in my opinion, is the idea that if the actors just scream a LITTLE LOUDER then the audience will know they're supposed to be scared. From that point on, any time I encounter a horror flick, I always blurt out in monotone: "oh. my. god. we're. all. going. to. die."

The Quarantine preview was no exception. Having just seen the preview of the new Nicholas Cage film, however, I was struck with brilliance -- if you took Quarantine and tweaked the plot to include Nicholas Cage as an lich who must eat the beating hearts of the protagonists in order to maintain the illusion of humanity and keep flesh over his skeletal frame, you'd have a pretty good film. I'd pay to see that.

At that point, I thought I had come up with the ultimate horror film. I was wrong.

Today, Alex pointed out yet another outlandish new horror film in the works: Cthulu. While the trailer I watched did not appear to include a creature with a squid for a head, it did have something even more brilliant for a horror film -- Tori Spelling.

Now before you get the idea that I'm comparing Tori Spelling with a mythical source of all evil, don't misunderstand me. I like Tori Spelling. Her performance in Trick forever changed the way I looked at her -- here's someone who can embrace her status as a B-movie actress and knows that her daddy paid good money for those breasts. She is the quintessential sort of actress for a horror flick.

So today I told Alex my new rule: All horror flicks star Tori Spelling and are titled, "oh. my. god. we're. all. going. to. die." Throw in a flesh-eating Nicholas Cage and now we really DO have the ultimate horror flick.

Flicks

Alex just posted Entertainment Weekly's list of Top 100 movies in the last 25 years. The meme is to bold the movie if you've seen it, place asterisks next to the ones you really love (I've rated them from 1-3 with * with 3 being the highest) and cross out the ones you hate.

1. Pulp Fiction 1994
2. The Lord of the Rings trilogy 2001-03***
3. Titanic 1997
4. Blue Velvet 1986
5. Toy Story 1995*
6. Saving Private Ryan 1998
7. Hannah and Her Sisters 1986
8.The Silence of the Lambs 1991**
9. Die Hard 1988
10. Moulin Rouge 2001***
11. This Is Spinal Tap 1984
12. The Matrix 1999**
13. GoodFellas 1990
14. Crumb 1995
15. Edward Scissorhands 1990*
16. Boogie Nights 1997
17. Jerry Maguire 1996**
18. Do the Right Thing 1989
19. Casino Royale 2006
20. The Lion King 1994*
21. Schindler’s List 1993
22. Rushmore 1998***
23. Memento 2001
24. A Room With a View 1986
25. Shrek 2001*
26. Hoop Dreams 1994
27. Aliens 1986**
28. Wings of Desire 1988
29. The Bourne Supremacy 2004*
30. When Harry Met Sally… 1989*
31. Brokeback Mountain 2005***
32. Fight Club 1999
33. The Breakfast Club 1985**
34 Fargo 1996*
35. The Incredibles 2004*
36. Spiderman 2 2004*
37. Pretty Woman 1990
38. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2004
39. The Sixth Sense 1999**
40. Speed 1994
41. Dazed and Confused 1993
42. Clueless 1995**
43. Gladiator 2000**
44. The Player 1992
45. Rain Man 1988*
46. Children of Men 2006
47. Men in Black 1997
48. Scarface 1983
49. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 2000**
50. The Piano 1993
51. There Will Be Blood 2007
52. The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad 1988*
53. The Truman Show 1998
54. Fatal Attraction 1987
55. Risky Business 1983
56. The Lives of Others 2006
57. There’s Something About Mary 1998*
58. Ghostbusters 1984**
59. L.A. Confidential 1997
60. Scream 1996*
61. Beverly Hills Cop 1984
62. sex, lies and videotape 1989
63. Big 1988*
64. No Country For Old Men 2007
65. Dirty Dancing 1987**
66. Natural Born Killers 1994
67. Donnie Brasco 1997
68. Witness 1985
69. All About My Mother 1999
70. Broadcast News 1987
71. Unforgiven 1992
72. Thelma & Louise 1991
73. Office Space 1999
74. Drugstore Cowboy 1989
75. Out of Africa 1985
76. The Departed 2006
77. Sid and Nancy 1986
78. Terminator 2: Judgment Day 1991*
79. Waiting for Guffman 1996*
80. Michael Clayton 2007
81. Moonstruck 1987
82. Lost in Translation 2003
83. Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn 1987
84. Sideways 2004
85. The 40 Year-Old Virgin 2005
86. Y Tu Mamá También 2002
87. Swingers 1996**
88. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery 1997**
89. Breaking the Waves 1996
90. Napoleon Dynamite 2004
91. Back to the Future 1985*
92. Menace II Society 1993
93. Ed Wood 1994
94. Full Metal Jacket 1987
95. In the Mood for Love 2001
96. Far From Heaven 2002
97. Glory 1989
98. The Talented Mr. Ripley 1999*
99. The Blair Witch Project 1999
100. South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut 1999**
I've seen most of them, hated a few, loved several.

America Calls, Hollywood Answers.

Last night I went with Alex to see Enchanted. An enjoyable Disney flick. Aside from confirming that there are no straight animators and talking about Patrick Dempsey with a Prince Albert, the previews served the real excitement of the evening...

Ask yourself, "What is your heart's true desire?" No, it isn't "true love's kiss," its a sequel to National Treasure. Fear not because Hollywood is making your dream come true.

I admit, I went to see the original National Treasure when it came out. While the original was just a mediocre knockoff of The Da Vinci Code, it wasn't too bad -- the cute Justin Bartha made it watchable. They laid the groundwork for a sequel in the first film, though I had no clue that the first did well enough to justify a second film.

So the first film wasn't THAT bad, what's my beef with the sequel? Two words: Nicholas Cage. As I've written before, I've never been a big Nicholas Cage fan and having also watched Ghost Rider with Alex I know that Nicholas Cage is looking AWFUL these days. If they made a remake of John Carpenter's classic They Live, Cage would be a shoo-in for one of the aliens... I thought that was the reason they cast him in Ghost Rider -- they could just light his fake hair on fire and save money on special effects.

That said, I'll probably end up catching this one on NetFlix just so I can watch Justin Bartha. Thank you, Hollywood.

Hot Stuff

Friday night was taco night over at Alexander's. Now before you start thinking "taco night" is a code for viewing lesbian porn, I had decided to make chicken tacos for dinner and Alex and I watched movies. Movie #1, which neither of us had seen, was John Tucker Must Die. Let's be honest here, I could tell you whether it was a decent movie or not but the only reason I picked this movie was to see Jesse Metcalfe. Now I've no idea whether the guy can act or not, even having watched the movie, but he sure is pretty. Now I know some of you are wondering if there's any chance that anyone who is THAT manscaped could possibly be heterosexual. I don't know the answer to that but apparently Jesse does not appreciate those questions. Be warned.

That said, from what I've learned, Jesse isn't doing too well these days -- his girlfriend just dumped him for being a complete control freak, he's been in and out of rehab, the movie roles haven't exactly been rolling in... Sounds like Jesse hasn't been the happiest of campers...

...which brings me to our second movie, The Boys In The Band. This classic gay film, about a supposedly straight friend accidentally invited to a gay birthday party, was Hollywood's first look at gay life was released in 1970. Its not available on DVD, so I hadn't seen it before. Alex and I agreed that a lot of the dynamics we see in gay culture are still very similar -- much of the dialogue is recognizable from modern gay life. Personally, I was surprised that Hollywood would even approach the subject at the time -- still only a year after Stonewall. I'd like to believe that the level of self loathing that permeates the film has diminished over time -- certainly there's still work to be done but I don't think anyone could question that we've come a long way.

Editing

There are many who say that the trick to life all comes down to editing -- that is, its not so much what happens, but the meaning we choose to place on those events. What they forget to tell you is that at the moments you need it the most, receiving that advice has to be one of the most annoying experiences one could possibly have. In fact, the same remains true even when you're telling YOURSELF. It makes no difference. I'd smack the living crap out of myself if I wasn't averse to pain.

That said, this video fits in with that scheme and it made me smile a little.

Grating

Its Sunday and I'm feeling like I'm ready to kill anything that moves. Decided to watch The Bourne Identity to take my mind off things. Thank God for Netflix. Its helped, actually. My urge to kill has diminished and I'm actually communicating somewhat. Watching Matt Damon has the tendency to calm me.

That said, there's one little problem. Franka Potente. She plays Marie in the movie and I don't know what it is about her but she annoys the living crap out of me.

In The End

we all bear the scars
yeah, we all feign a laugh
we all cry in the dark
get cut off before we start

and as your first act begins
you realise they're all waiting
for a fall, for a flaw, for the end

and there's a past stained with tears
could you talk to quiet my fears
could you pull me aside
just to acknowledge that i've tried

as your last breath begins
contently take it in
cause we all get it in
the end

and as your last breath begins
you find your demon's your best friend
and we all get it in

the end

"In The End"
- Scott Matthew

(Video is NSFW)

More Than Meets The Eye

I ignored the reviews that panned it and suggested that Michael Bay had ruined any possible merit the movie possibly could have had. I stood in the concessions line with a talkative, soon-to-be 6th grader who remarked that I was pretty cool. By the time I made it back to my seat (next to Alex), the theater had run twice the amount of previews, so I was fortunate not to have missed a thing.

As the opening credits rolled, it was abundantly clear that the child I once was still hangs around this head of mine. I haven't been this giddy over something not involving a possible romantic interest in a long, long time (although Josh Duhamel was SO hot). Now I remember watching Fellowship of the Ring for the first time in a state of wonder -- it was another world, one I had read about back in high school. This was something even more basic -- a piece of of childhood come to life. I wasn't the only one, as the guy sitting next to me -- a 30-something father -- remarked with glee that they used the original voice of Optimus Prime.

What can I say? I loved every minute of this movie. I want to see it again. I want a sequel. I'm feeling this urge to go out to Toys R Us and buy the toys. And somewhere, the kid in me is opening presents on Christmas Eve to find exactly what he was hoping for... and he is happy... very, very happy.

Chris Evans is Flaming Hot!

I am eagerly awaiting the release of The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer next Friday. Now let's be honest here -- I was never a fan of the Fantastic Four comics, I didn't get too much into the Silver Surfer, either, and hey, the first Fantastic Four movie wasn't all that great. That said, there is one compelling reason to go see this movie -- a shirtless Chris Evans. Yup, that's worth the price of admission.

A Career Gone Wrong

I was flipping through channels today, a rarity for me as I don't watch TV, and The Mummy Returns was showing on USA. I marveled at how annoying the little kid was and remembered that the guy who played Ardeth Bay, the mysterious Arabic warrior in both of the Mummy films, Oded Fehr, was also in Charmed for a pretty significant story arc during the later years.

Finally I came to the so-called "star" of the film, Brendan Fraser. He's an attractive guy, I remember him in films like School Ties (which starred other budding superstars such as Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris O'Donnell -- speaking of which, WTF happened to him? I saw some recent photos of him and the 21st Century has NOT been kind) and With Honors and I remember thinking that the guy was a talent actor with quite a future, even as late as 1998, in Gods and Monsters.

Certainly he's done enough work to be considered "successful" but while you can forgive a movie like Airheadz early in his career (besides, it had Adam Sandler in it...), there are way too many movies like Dudley Do Right, George of the Jungle, Monkeybone, and Looney Tunes: Back in Action. And yet another sign of the apocalypse -- The Mummy 3 is in pre-production.

What happened? How did such a promising career go so horribly wrong?

Blush & Bashful

A friend of mine is having an enormous party next month -- a huge production that should be lots of fun. The big thing is that everyone is supposed to wear pink. A lot of people will go the high fashion route, but that is SO not my style. So, I decided to add a bit of zest to the project by making my own shirt for the occasion. I doubt there will be even one gay man at the party who doesn't look at me with envy when they see it...

Fascade

I think I've mentioned it before here on the blog, but I Heart Huckabees is one of my all-time favorite movies. Along with the uber-hunky Mark Wahlberg, it also stars Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman, both of whom are brilliant actors, the type of people you consider at the top of their craft. They've also been around for a while, so you figure they've worked off the rough edges that you find with young celebrities. No Britney-esque shaved heads here!

Anyway, I recently ran across some outtakes from Huckabees that aren't of the sort they put in your funny blooper reels... (NSFW)

I guess my point is this -- sometimes its easy to forget that everybody has this side of them, even those we look up to. For me it was a great reminder that everybody is human.

Uneasy Rider

I just got back from seeing Ghost Rider with Alex. I've never been a big Nicholas Cage fan but I generally enjoy the adaptations of Marvel's stuff, so I figured I'd give it a try. First thing's first... OMG, Nicholas Cage is looking AWFUL. The bad rug he's wearing makes it even worse. Overall, the movie pretty much sucked -- Cage was a bad choice for the role and the script was lousy.

One positive thing that I took out of it was the realization that Nicholas Cage and Tim Allen are merging into the same person. Case in point: Allen is also going with the leather look in his new movie, Wild Hogs. The big difference between the two flicks -- Allen's hair doesn't look so bad.