Looking Back, Moving Forward

Nothing quite like the last few hours in the year to help you put this past year in perspective. To be honest, this has been a challenging year for me -- nothing has turned out the way I would have hoped. As a matter of fact, I really would have liked to head to LA for New Years' Eve (and see Mr. LA in the process). And with everything else in my life, it seems like the Universe has been doing its all to keep me right here right now. Since I'm here, I might as well take the hint and look at where I was last year.

This time last year I had just graduated and was getting ready to sell my condo while I drove out to LA for NYE. I was hoping that my alcoholic, tweaker roommate would be moving out while I was gone, which he had promised to do.

The year started off on a bad note as my car broke down while I was in LA. My alcoholic, tweaker roommate (I didn't know he was a tweaker until the week my condo was supposed to close) refused to leave. Fortunately, I was able to get that all resolved and the condo sold. I moved back in with my family with the expectation that I would stay there for a few months while I found a full-time job in the SoCal area. Of course, trying to deal with living with my parents again is a full-time job in and of itself.

A few months turned into a year while my social life became virtually nonexistent. For the first time in my life, I had wanted to be just about any place other than where I was. I was not pleased.

Finally, I decided to try to make the best of things here in Phoenix -- I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't rather be moving on, especially after the time and effort I spent trying to prepare myself to leave, but it could be worse -- I could be living in Alabama. Finally, it looks like I should be getting a new job soon -- maybe not my dream job, but at least something I should be able to deal with for a while. At least, I feel like my life is finally moving forward in tangible ways, which is a hell of a lot more than I've had in a while. I'm certainly not where I want to be, but at least it seems like the momentum is finally on my side.

In short, I may not be in LA getting ready to enjoy thousands of shirtless guys and Mr. LA, but truth be told, I know I'm in a much better position than I was last year. It feels like I'm finally ready for this to be the year where my life starts becoming more what I want it to be.

I liked Jim's idea of leaving New Years' wishes to everyone, but I'm sure not smart enough to know what I need, let alone to know what everyone else needs. So, I'll leave you all with this: May this New Year be better than last year and may we all find ways to enjoy it.

A Life That Might Have Been...

Last night I went to watch Notre Dame play in the Insight Bowl in Phoenix. For those of you who don't have the full lowdown on my background, I did my undergrad at Notre Dame. For those of you who aren't familiar with life at Notre Dame, the reality is that life at Notre Dame revolves around football. Any time the team ends up coming to town, I feel an obligation to participate. Football. How butch!

Game day at Notre Dame consists mainly of drinking large quantitites of alcohol and hanging around with lots of drunk straight people. Now, I wish I could say that it's like living through the BMOC show where countless of shirtless college hunks parade around for your viewing pleasure. If you're back on campus and it's September, you actually do get to see a fair amount of flesh, but most of the time you see a lot of families and a much larger percentage of older men with big beer bellies than you would otherwise find in the general population. Fortunately, many of the players themselves are quite attractive and you can usually find some very tasty male cheerleaders.

Of course, I didn't spend all my time boy watching. To the contrary, aside from a hot guy cheerleader (who I only got to see briefly), there really weren't too many guys out there that piqued my interest. Instead, I took some time to reflect on what my life might have been if things had been a little different and I had slept with women.

One of the things I really enjoyed was the feeling of camaraderie with thousands of people with whom I would never have otherwise come into contact. Everyone was dressed for the occasion, clad in similar and yet festive attire. As the DJ played, we socialized with friends, reconnected with others we hadn't seen in a while, and made new acquaintances. As I drank another bottle of bad domestic beer, it seemed like straight life wouldn't be too bad...

Of course, my moment of revelry was quickly shattered when the group of scantily clad, incredibly skanky women hawking alcohol sauntered by. Apparently, the alcohol promoters are hiring bad drag queens to teach their models to apply makeup. The DJ made matters worse by playing such classics as, "Girls, Girls, Girls" and "Fight For Your Right to Party" and had the nerve to play a Johnny Cash song that was not "Ring of Fire." If you're going to play Johnny Cash, you are legally required to play "Ring of Fire." I checked.

It became crystal clear to me that straight life is not for me. If I want to hang around with thousands of people I've never met who are all wearing similar things while drinking heavily, I think I'll make the trip out to Palm Springs for White Party. The music will be better, there will be hordes of incredibly attractive men... maybe I'll even run into that hot cheerleader...

HO HO HO?

I was really hoping that this was the year that Santa finally got it right... Unlike other people out there, I did not get convicted for insider trading, steal a fetus from a pregnant woman or send American troops into battle without sufficient armor or equipment. I did not start a brawl during an NBA game, I have not caused the extinction of any animals and I have certainly not had my business file bankruptcy while starring in a reality show premised on my business saavy. In fact, I've tried to help a couple of friends find jobs while I look for one myself, I've been doing my part to help put an end to world hunger, and I wake up every night at 3am to let my cat inside when he's meowing at my window. In short, not only have I not been a BAD boy, I think I've been quite a GOOD boy. So, I went to bed last night full of expectation. I had to be at the top of the "good" list.

When I woke up this morning, I opened my eyes, hoping to finally see the man I've been asking for. Unfortunately, all I got was a new sweater.

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy Solstice, Merry Festivus, to everybody.

Really... the Butler Did It...

Last night was the opening night (in select cities...) of the movie version of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera. Like the good homo that I am, I went to see it last night with my parents. I had read a couple of reviews before going to the movie and they were both pretty bad. I have glanced at the chorus of reviews this morning and most of them, with a couple of exceptions, were pretty bad. I'm generally not one to pile one when someone's down... and I won't this time either. I'm not going to bore you with the recap of the story -- here's the real scoop.

My basic feeling was this: if you hate Andrew Lloyd Webber, you'll hate this movie. If you love Andrew Lloyd Webber and are a true devotee of the music, you'll have issues with the movie. If you're somewhere in the middle (as I am), you should enjoy it. For those of you straddling the fence, here is the one thing that should make you go see this movie--

ALW's The Phantom gets a B in the hunk factor. Number one, Gerard Butler stars as the Phantom. Now it's true that the Phantom is supposed to be both scary and sympathetic and Schumacher really toned down The Phantom's deformity, leaving Butler's face only half covered. Butler also doesn't have the edge that is going to strike fear in your heart and his voice is mediocre. Nonetheless, it it still Gerard Butler. For those of you who did not ogle his fine shirtless form in Tomb Raider 2: Laura Croft and the Cradle of Life, drop what you're doing and go rent it NOW. For those of you who have, you'll miss his adorable Scottish brogue, but you can't escape the fact that the man is just irresistably hot. I don't care if half his face is hideously deformed, he can take me any time he wants.

Number 2, Patrick Wilson stars as Raoul, Butler's competition for Christine's love. I took special note of Patrick and his fine uncovered flesh in the HBO version of Angels in America, where he plays a closeted Mormon (it just feeds into my Latter Days fetish) . To be honest, Wilson looked MUCH better in A in A - he didn't look nearly as much like a weasel - but his voice is very good and if I can enjoy Gerard Butler with a half deformed face, I can deal with Patrick Wilson looking slightly more weasel-y than normal.

Honestly, the hunk factor could have been higher, but neither of the guys ended up shirtless, which is understandable, considering the subject material, but standards are standards, right? We need to see some flesh for an "A."

The third major character, Christine, is played by Emmy Rossum. Of course, she's not Sarah Brightman. Get over it. Rossum fit the part beautifully. She is pretty, her voice is sweet and not overpowering, and she comes off as completely unpretentious, which is exactly what the part calls for. She gets an A.

I wouldn't be a gay man if I didn't mention the diva. Minnie Driver plays La Carlotta, who Shumacher plays off as much more Italian than what I remember in the Original Cast Recording. Three words for you - FAB-U-LOUS. Think Whitney, Mariah and Celine all rolled into one but with a fabulous poodle. Love her, love her, love her. Who hasn't entertained the idea of being the primadonna and commanding the adulation of the masses? Driver is an absolute gem in this role.

All in all, I give this movie two snaps up, which is pretty hard to beat.

On a more personal note, watching this movie was basically a time warp back to my highschool days where I was a closeted lil' choir fag and Phantom was all the rage. We sang several parts of it in those days and I knew (still do) the Original Cast recording by heart. It brough back some very happy memories, though I'd beat you to death with a monkey shaped music box if you tried to make me go back to those days.

What a Twisted World...

I've done a lot of work the past few years trying to release my notions of how the world should be. Nonetheless, there are some things in this world that challenge my sense of justice. I can think of no bigger injustice than Corey Feldman still having an acting career. Because Beastmaster is on Sci-Fi Channel, I've been seeing ads for their newest original film - Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys, starring Corey Feldman. Ok, it's clear from the title that the quality of this movie is going to be pretty bad, but that anyone would openly advertise itself as starring Corey Feldman condemns it to the realm of the mindnumbingly awful. It remains to be seen if they can redeem it somewhat by parlaying things into the realm of camp, ala Showgirls. One would think that Feldman would have the self respect to follow his one-time movie-mate, Corey Haim into a cocaine-induced seclusion.

On a more positive note, if Feldman decides to continue on the acting path, I think he should lobby to have either a movie or off-Broadway show about Harvey Fierstein's life. He would have to put on some weight and try to nail down Harvey's distinctive voice, otherwise, he's a dead ringer. If not that, you could put them in a production together as sort of a Dr. Evil/Mini-Me pair.

For those of you who just can't get enough of Corey, check out this performance review of The Corey Feldman Band. Yes, apparently the illustrious Mr. Feldman tried life as a grunge rocker. Read about the trainwreck for yourself.

Bowing to Pressure

Ok, since Jonny has been asking for nekked manflesh - here it is. He's not COMPLETELY nekkid 'cause, well, it's not that kind of blog. For those of you griping about Mr. Antlers, let me say that I think he's quite the specimen. I like being open to the big beefy types as well as the hot Mormon types and lots of other types. As Auntie Mame always says, "Life is a banquet and most poor fools are starving to death!"

In a remarkable irony, Rosalind Russell, the actress who played Auntie Mame in the film, is Mormon... I know her son (who is also gay... she's none to thrilled about that, let me tell you.)

Suddenly, I'm In The Holiday Spirit!

Found my way to this guy thanks to jockohomo. Our reindeer friend is Dano, from LA. You can see more of Dano in his Bigmuscle Profile. I think this should answer any questions for those of you who think my taste in men runs only to the pretty boys. SO not true.

P.S. Jonny - I am slowly working my way toward having naked flesh on this blog. The sooner you send me your pics, the sooner we have have hot naked menz.

More Pop-Psychology

From Yahoo Personals...

Your Personality Type:
Idealist

As an Idealist, your mission in life is to make the world a better place. You care about big ideas and big issues, but you're also dedicated to the lives of the people around you. In many ways, you're the ideal friend or co-worker. You have great empathy skills. You give sound advice, but more importantly, you know when to just listen. At work, you're a natural facilitator, motivator, and mentor. You have a gift for promoting harmony and cooperation at work. In fact, few things bother you more than conflicts at work.

Your Love Style:
Romantic

You want and expect it all—a lasting connection with someone on every level—mental, emotional, sexual, and spiritual.

True Romantics like you are pretty rare. You have a good imagination, which allows you to visualize the type of man you could fall in love with. You can actually see and feel the future happiness the two of you would share. You also have the patience and persistence to search for him. When you finally meet him, the attraction can be instant and overwhelming. True Romantics believe in destiny, but you're also willing to give fate a push in the right direction. If necessary, you'll even make a total fool of yourself to win him over. Romantics know that falling in love often means falling flat on your face.

The Culture War Has Begun...

I have to admit that I didn't expect this day to ever come. I never thought it would come to this. And I now I realize that its far worse than I had ever imagined.

The past few times I've walked through Blockbuster and among the new releases, I've noticed something peculiar -- Oh my stars and garters, it's The Book of Mormon Movie. Now, once I got over my surprise, I remember thinking to myself, hey, it's not something I would watch, but if I can go rent a copy of Saving Ryan's Privates, our LDS brethren should be able to entertain themselves. The more power to them -- as long as I don't have to watch it. (Although from the picture on the front of the box, the main character is grade-A BEEF!)

What's really alarming is that somehow they made it under my radar... and I actually enjoyed it. What's more, they used two weapons I never thought they could master... classic literature and hot men.

I just finished watching Excel's 2003 version of Pride & Prejudice. I figured that since Clueless was a loose adaptation of Jane Austin's Emma, that I'd enjoy this as well. This movie was light and airy, much in the style of Clueless, but included two incredibly attractive Mormon looking boys as supporting characters (pictured right and below). Now, in comparison, Clueless starred the incredibly charming, quirky, yet gorgeous Paul Rudd. The leading man in P&P, Orlando Seale,... well, I wouldn't exactly gnaw my arm off if I woke up next to him after a night of drunken debauchery, but he can't compare to Paul Rudd. He can't compete with his two supporting men, either.

So, the movie has a couple of major pieces of young flesh to keep your attention. BIG PLUS. How does it hold up story-wise? Oddly enough, it's not too bad. My biggest question is how our leading man, Darcy, makes the magical transformation from being an insufferable, self-centered, pretentious creep to a charming, likable guy. It just sort of happens without any real explanation. Of course, I was too busy watching Jack (left) and Charles (above) to really care.

So, I'll also admit that there were some red flags that suggested that this movie was trying to convert me even before I looked on the Web and found that it was also titled, "Pride and Prejudice: A Latter Day Comedy." Clue #1 - It's set in Provo, Utah. DING DING DING! Clue #2 - All the characters go to church.... TOGETHER. DANGER WILL ROBINSON! Clue #3 - It's set in PROVO, UTAH. I know I already said that, but hey, I should have figured it out from that alone... I mean, Salt Lake is one thing, but Provo?

Through it all, I just can't get their perverted lifestyle out of my head... It's giving me this uncontrollable urge to go find a hot Mormon guy and get right to work on starting a large family... I promise I won't stop until he's pregnant.

What's a Guy Gotta Do?

Several people have recently asked me why I'm still single. Normally, I simply brush these comments off with the statement that I'm content being single and that the right guy will come along when it's time. The sad truth of it, however, is that fate has conspired to keep the guys I'm interested in away from me. Every guy I would want to date is either taken, or becomes taken shortly after I meet them. Here's what I have to deal with--

(in no particular order)
Ben Browder (shown right) - Of Farscape fame. Strong, funny, intelligent, looks great shirtless. Married, with kids. No, I've never met him and even if I had, I'd have to fight off Adam from Donut Jelly for him.

Nick Lachey (shown left) - Of 98 Degrees/Newleyweds fame. He's gorgeous, talented and has those big, kissable lips. We all know about his wife, Jessica, about whom I would describe as dumb as rocks, if it weren't such an insult to rocks everywhere. Don't get me started on her wacko religious father or no-talent, lip-syncing sister, either. And you better believe that I can give better head than she could ever dream of giving. Chicken or fish, indeed.

Mr. LA (not pictured) - He keeps popping up in my life, despite my better judgment. Intelligent, huge heart, knows how to go to bat for a friend, loves Mom & Dad, successful, has the most beautiful blue eyes. Some nights he won't take his eyes off me, other nights I'd have to fight for his attention - something I just refuse to do. He disappear before I really had a chance to talk to him on that first encounter, and then promptly started dating someone soon after. Just when I think I have him out of my system, something happens.

Sean from Toronto (shown right) - A medical student from Toronto. Intelligent, charming, easy to talk to, always pushes me to grow. He was set to come visit me in Phoenix right before Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, fate intervened and he was forced to cancel his trip. Shortly thereafter, he was swept off his feet by a doctor at the hospital where he works, who happens to be incredibly attractive, built like a brick shithouse, hung like a horse, and treats Sean like gold. Now, I'm happy for you and all, Sean, but come on, that's just not fair.

Now, let me repeat that I'm not in a hurry to get involved or anything, but that might have something to do with the fact that the Universe is smacking me down hard. The only thing that really makes me feel better is the knowledge that as far as I've heard, Daniel Goddard (shown left) is still single. Of course, with the my luck in finding a job in SoCal combined with the Universe's seeming insistance that I remain single, I'm sure he'll have found the perfect partner about a week before I make it out to LA.

BMOC

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you should be aware that my TV consumption is rather limited. It's basically episodes of Beastmaster and shows on The WB. Well, it looks like The WB has another winner in its lineup with Big Man On Campus, or BMOC. To make a long story short, the premise of this show is that they've picked 15 women at a Florida University to search through the male student population and choose the hottest guy on campus. I've seen commercials for this show and it appears that the women are incredibly shallow, so they're not going to be looking for guys who have a beautiful heart and love puppies. No, they're going for college beef, which suits me fine in this instance. The show starts on Wednesday, so I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of stupid things that straight college guys will do for blondes with large breast implants.

In fact, it makes me want to head to a big frat party, do a keg stand or two and console a few of the hot brothers who are bitching because their girlfriends won't put out. Hey, you know, in times like these, you gotta be willing to help a buddy out, right? Hey, I promise I won't tell anybody... yeah, here's my number - give me a call if you want to hang out and watch Sportscenter and have a beer...

On Gathering Moss...

I've been spending a lot of time looking back at what I've done to get myself into this stuck place and what I can do to make sure what I can do to not get there again any time soon.

I don't know about the rest of you but every now and again something will come out of my mouth about what I'd like to see happen in my life - a lot of times I'm not even really thinking about it, and then a while later whatever it is I had asked for comes to pass... sometimes I'll be thrilled and most of the time I'll think, fuck, why did that happen... then I'll realize that I had asked for it.

In this case, since I graduated last December and sold my condo, I told myself that a myriad of things would change once I found a job and moved into a new place. Since the whole job thing hasn't quite come together yet, it's left big chunks of my life in limbo. I realize now that in large measure, I had gotten stuck because that's exactly what I had asked for -- things to stay bogged down until the job finally materialized. Well, lesson learned - keeping your life on hold while you wait for things to come together really sucks.

Now its time for me to go back to commenting on pictures of hot sweaty men -- this whole exercise has made me WAY too serious.

Blue Christmas

I'm filling in this afternoon at my friend's company - I worked there this summer for about a month and they bring me in every once in a while when they need someone to cover the front desk. Anyway, they're having their office Holiday Party today and the halls are all decked out in holiday spirit. When I got in, the receptionist had a CD of Elvis Christmas songs playing on repeat. Now I'm not someone who hates Christmas, and I have to admit that I enjoy hearing Blue Christmas, purely for the camp value, but after I heard that, hearing Elvis drone, "Santa, bring my baby back to me..." made me want to vomit. Something about the combination of 50s era phoniness and commercialized, sickly-sweet holiday sentiment are just too much for me to take. It's like emotional heroin -- let me warm up my veins so I can do another hit of jolly holidays. Something about Christmas songs being played over and over and over again... if I just keep listening to songs about Rudolf and eight maids a milking, I won't have to actually feel anything real.

Maybe this wouldn't be hitting my gag-reflex so hard if I hadn't walked into the grocery store and been surrounded by Christmas stuff back in October. I'm all for celebrating, I'm all for holiday cheer, I just don't like being force fed.

This Answers SO Many Questions...

If you're like me, you're a big fan of Donut Jelly and its author, Adam. Of course, being a curious sort, I've always wondered just what makes Adam so appealing. I mean, he's got GeekSlut all hot and bothered, so it can't just be me, right? Is it the unique combination of geeky, sexy, coolness?

Fortunately, I may have stumbled on the answer. I just saw an Irish movie called About Adam. The main two characters are Lucy, played by Kate Hudson, her two sisters, Laura and Alice, and Adam, played by the delicious Stuart Townsend. To make a long story short, Lucy meets Adam at the restaurant where she works. She's drawn to Adam because he seems so different from the men she's dated in the past. In fact, she even ends up asking him out. She and Adam seem to have the perfect relationship and she ends up asking Adam to marry her, to which he agrees.

We then get to see the story from the point of view of each of her two sisters, Laura and Alice, as well as her brother, David. In short, we find that Adam also has an affair with Laura, and shag's David's girlfriend. Adam also attempts to seduce Alice, but she catches onto him and discovers the affair between Adam and Laura. Alice confronts Adam and decides to shag him anyway, right before the wedding.

There are two striking things about this movie and about Adam: First is that Adam winds up being a completely different character from the perspective of each of the other characters. In essense, he ends up being exactly what the other characters are wanting and needing at the time. Second, Adam ends up being a catalyst for each of the characters, helping them each change in positive ways. You would think that a man who comes in and shags both of his fiancee's sisters and brother's girlfriend would come off as quite the scoundrel. The amazing thing is that everyone winds up with a happy ending and it's all because of Adam. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Adam is played by Stuart Townsend, who is incredibly attractive and brings so many different aspects to the character that he's impossible not to like.

In essense, I think that this movie really describes the core of what our good friend Adam is all about. Beyond the youthful good looks, he gives each of us what we want and need all while making us happy.

Maybe you'll buy that, maybe not, but at least it was an entertaining movie.

Back On Track

It's been a challenging few weeks, although I can't say things have been really THAT bad. I think the biggest thing was the overall sense of being stagnant... it had been building up for a while and I just couldn't shake the feeling... fortunately, this past week has been exactly what I needed - time to really step back and reexamine what's been going on (or hasn't been going on) in my life and why.

I don't know about anyone else, but I've always been aware of the Universe's hand in guiding my life... I'm not sure that I always looked at it as a positive thing -- especially when I was younger I was just acutely aware that things just didn't work for me the way we're taught that they work... It's hard to explain and in the past couple of years I've gotten used to that guidance being a little more subtle. The past few weeks have been quite a reminder that I require something more dramatic sometimes.

In any event, at the very least, spending a while feeling off center really has made me appreciate how good it feels to be back on track. I wish there was some kind of magic formula to get back to that point, but the only way for me to get back there is to work through whatever has been yanking me off center.

...hence the word, "Sabotage."

I don't know what it was, but I had this overwhelming urge to watch Kim Cattrall in Star Trek VI - The Undiscovered Country. As any Trek fan knows, when you're talking films with the original cast, the even numbered films are pretty good... (Having a flashback to Star Trek: The Motion Picture... "V'ger MUST merge with the creator...")

In any event, our little miss Sex In The City strumpet donned the pointy ears and Beatles hairdo to play the Vulcan, Valeris in this movie. It's always surprising who gets cast in these movies... In fact, in this movie you also have Christopher Plummer, who played among other things, Colonel Von Trapp in The Sound of Music. It was almost a little distracting in this movie because I kept waiting for him to start singing Eidelveiss at any given moment. Christian Slater also makes a cameo. In high school, my best friend used to play a modified version of 7 Degrees of Kevin Bacon, where you had to match up 2 movie actors. It was rediculously easy for me because there are so many actors who have been in a Star Trek movie or TV show. We ended up changing the rules because my friend got tired of me using ST all the time to beat him.

A Little Pick-Me-Up

I know I've been a little bitchy, but I decided that it's time to have a little attitude adjustment. I thought of doing an Annie Lennox and making a list of 1000 Beautiful Things. Well, let me tell you, fellas, I didn't make it past the first one because when Ben Browder is alive and breathing on this planet, do you really need the other 999? The man is absolute perfection. Strong, handsome, charming, intelligent... incredible smile, incredible body, and supposedly HUNG, HUNG, HUNG. I know he's straight, married and has kids, but I'm putting the Universe on notice that this is the type of guy I want (with him being gay and unmarried, of course.) I know it's a lot to ask for, but hey, I've been a VERY good boy the past 31 years and I deserve it.

Searching...

I know I haven't been writing much lately. Especially over the past couple of weeks, I've been pretty frustrated. I've spent the better part of a year looking for a new job and I haven't come up anything tangible yet. It's like my life has been in a big holding pattern for a quite a while... Because I went back to school and changed my life around, it's like my life has been on hold for for years. At the same time, I realized that I was trying to bring in tremendous change in my life, so I knew that it required some time and patience.

I've really been trying to shift my perspective around because I haven't been in a great mood -- it's so easy to look at the world through the lens of how things aren't how I want them to be instead of appreciating the things in my life that are right. I recently got a big reminder that things happen for a reason, which I really needed.

I've come to accept that some of the stagnation I've been feeling has been my own responsibility - I've been waiting instead of bringing in some of the changes I've wanted to make. So, this past week I've been trying to bring in some of the changes into my life of things I do have some control over.

At this point, I'm still searching and trying to open myself to possibilities that I haven't considered yet. So far it's been a tough go -- in the words of U2 - I still haven't found what I'm looking for.