Marc's Midweek Laundry Day Beef Haiku

"Damn, I spilled something,"
he growled. "This shirt better not
be dry clean only."

You Want Cream n Sugar With That?

I've had kind of a long, frustrating day and was really looking for something to lighten my otherwise tired, grumpy mood. Fortunately for those who have to live with me, I found it.

I'm not a coffee drinker by nature - though for some reason I remember having developed quite an affection for coffee flavored ice cream when I was a kid. In recent years, however, while not being anything near a coffee afficionado, I've grown to appreciate a good cup of coffee. To boot, I've made a couple of friends recently who have officially listed "Starbucks" as their house of worship.

Brief interlude -- one of the indignities of going from your typical law firm lawyers to doing contract work, aside from much lower pay& no benefits, is the fun of being drug tested prior to certain projects. Hell, at most law firms drugs are practically encouraged if they'll help you bill more hours. So, prior to my last project I went in to give a "sample" and as I handed the plastic sippy cup to the woman working there, aside from thinking that collecting urine samples has to be one of the worst jobs in the world, I remarked to myself, "Ok, you want cream and sugar with that?" Hardly the most original line, I know, but what else are you supposed to think when handing someone a cup of urine?

Point of that last story is this: what could be more natural than the marriage of urine and coffee? If you thought chocolate and peanut butter were two great tastes that taste great together, you obviously haven't tasted a soy vanilla urine latte. Apparently, others have beaten me to the idea. Today's example -- an 8th grader in an Indiana school decided to give his teacher's coffee a double shot of urine. Those Indiana folks have that wholesome midwestern image, but first they're talking about gay tolerance and now this. Apparently urine and coffee are also popular with the post office in Ohio. Have they not heard of premium coffee out there?

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More bizzare news:

Butch it up, Officer Mary!

In the Philippines - gay members of the National Police have been ordered not to swish. "If they sway their hips while marching, or if they engage in lustful conduct, I think that will be a ground for separation," explained spokesman Chief Superintendent Samuel Pagdilao.


And closer to home...

In Chandler, a mere stone's throw from where I live, a young man learned the hard way that if you're going to start a meth lab, its wise to purchase a fire extinguisher prior to its operation... you know, just in case. Driving to Wal Mart to purchase a fire extinguisher once the fire has started is a little too late.

Bulgarian Rhapsody

A little something from Bulgarian superstar, Azis. This is also my first exposure to anyone combining a drag queen with a bear. The thought would have never entered my mind.

(From Joe. My. God.)

Advertising Is SO GAY!

OMG, the wrestler with the soft skin is SO HOT. /drool

Marc's Midweek Relaxing Beef Haiku

"Its been a long day,"
mused our noble beef. "Time to
sit back and relax!"

Dodgeball

Maybe I should start playing dodgeball...

Fascade

I think I've mentioned it before here on the blog, but I Heart Huckabees is one of my all-time favorite movies. Along with the uber-hunky Mark Wahlberg, it also stars Lily Tomlin and Dustin Hoffman, both of whom are brilliant actors, the type of people you consider at the top of their craft. They've also been around for a while, so you figure they've worked off the rough edges that you find with young celebrities. No Britney-esque shaved heads here!

Anyway, I recently ran across some outtakes from Huckabees that aren't of the sort they put in your funny blooper reels... (NSFW)

I guess my point is this -- sometimes its easy to forget that everybody has this side of them, even those we look up to. For me it was a great reminder that everybody is human.

Realignment

New on Radio.Blog!

Green Eyed Monster

Its been described as a green-eyed monster -- jealousy. I've had it crop up a few times recently, I have to admit -- it hasn't been limited to any particular thing: a friend gets a big break in his career that I wish I had gotten... two cousins both announce they are recently engaged... its the sort of thing where I'm happy for them but deep down I can hear the whispers in the back of my mind, I can feel the knot in the pit of my stomach. "Why not me?"

Yes, I know these are the sorts of things that nice people aren't supposed to feel, right? If there's anything I know, its how to play the part of the nice guy. That's not to take anything away from your basic goodness, but I'd like to think that I've moved beyond the two dimensional niceness and am willing to allow myself to be a real person. I know its hard to get a sense of someone's life just from a blog, especially because I've chosen to leave out giant chunks of what happens in my life. The short of it is that in my own estimation, the last several years have been a struggle. Its not that I'd go back and change them -- I've grown a lot and I can appreciate all that's occurred, but for the love of all things holy, just how much do you really need to struggle in one lifetime?

I guess my point is this: now that I stop and look back, I can see how much time and energy I wasted looking around wondering, "Why isn't this working?" or "Why do I keep getting these crappy jobs?" and the big one -- "Why won't he call?"

I've come up with a lot of answers... though they're really excuses: "Its just not time yet," or "They're looking for someone with more experience" and "He's just really busy." Those have all been about as satisfying as eating a slice of white bread -- like biting into air. I guess that's why its only left me to spend even more time wresting, trying to find something with some more substance.

The Universe has a way of showing you your own reflection -- you can lie to yourself, you can lie to other people, but the truth always come back to you. In this case, its been roadblock after roadblock, where things have felt significantly LESS than the sum of their parts.

The real answer I've been searching for is remarkably simple -- Why? Because I've never really believed that I deserved for things to work out. That's been the gnawing little bugger that's been living inside me for as long as I remember. For so many years its been easier to believe that the Universe had somehow conspired against me than to finally admit that I've really never given myself a fair shake. Truth be told, its remarkable for me to realize how much I've accomplished while tying my own hand behind my back.

Anyway, I guess the whole point of this is that while I think I've always known what was going on, despite my best attempts to believe otherwise, this is the first time I've ever really KNOWN. I guess the only way I can describe it is being able to really feel the truth of it for the first time. While I suppose I could bitch about all the time I've wasted, in truth it feels more like a lock that's finally clicked open. Here's hoping that I really am ready to let it all go and finally move to where I belong.

Marc's Midweek Breakfast Beef Haiku

I'm tired of Froot Loops.
I want to wake up and find
beef in the kitchen.

Hammer n Coop - 1

WORST. MARKETING DATA. EVER.

Turn Back The Clock

Okay, okay, I know I've said that I'm going to reduce my bitching on this blog but I was raised Catholic so I can't help but marvel at the Pope's recent statements. Its been clear for a while that that the Catholic Church's prime effort is to try to turn back the hands of time.

Pope Benedict recently released the Apostolic Exhortation, which, among other things, attempts to exert Church control over Catholic politicians, especially on "moral" issues such as abortion and gay marriage (but perhaps not on war and the death penalty?) -- it reads in part, "Catholic politicians and legislators, conscious of their grave responsibility before society, must feel particularly bound, on the basis of a properly formed conscience, to introduce laws inspired by values grounded in human nature..."

Yes, Benedict isn't even trying to hide it anymore, he's expecting strict obedience from politicians and even the laity on the very issues where a person's conscience is most likely to cause him to disagree with the Vatican -- case in point, a lesbian couple in Wyoming was just informed that they are no longer permitted to receive communion... now here's the kicker -- its not because they're lesbians. No, they've been denied communion because they publicly opposed a bill that would deny Wyoming from recognizing gay marriages. Yes, dare to oppose the Vatican and be punished.

But wait, there's more! Along with the staples of any papal missive, railing against divorce and gay marriage and referring to priestly celibacy as "a priceless treasure," Benedict is championing the return of Latin and Gregorian Chant. Turn back the clock, indeed. Holy 1400s!

Soulforce Visits Notre Dame

The recent incarnation of the Soulforce Equality Ride made its first stop at my alma mater, the University of Notre Dame. As the video explains, several of the riders were issued citations by ND Security/Police and one current ND student who was walking with the riders was issued a disciplinary notice. While I find it disappointing that the current administration displayed such a hostile reaction and still refuses to recognize the students' Gay & Lesbian student group, AllianceND, from what I've heard, the University has made some progress in becoming a more accepting place for gay and lesbian students. Even if we haven't accomplished our goals, its important to recognize the progress we have made. Here's the Observer's writeup of Soulforce's visit.

Whip It!

Something about El Salvador made him feel dirty. Not "I need to take a shower" dirty, but "I need someone to tie me up and treat me like a farm animal" dirty. Some say that working for the government involves a necessary amount of whoring yourself out, but life at the Embassy was starting to get under his skin. One might think that life as an Ambassador might be all anyone could ask for -- a life of luxury and comfort. Surely, this is the pinnacle of your career.

Perhaps it was the comfort and luxury that brought out this side of him -- all that refinement made him uneasy. Finally, he couldn't help himself. Just one cocktail as he thought about his life back in Israel. Oh my, wouldn't my leather harness feel wonderful right now? Let's have another drink while we put it on. Before you know it, you find yourself out on the street stinking drunk, bound, gagged and dressed in full S&M regalia. Could happen to anyone.

Gee, Israeli officials need to lighten up. Everyone feels a little kinky from time to time.

(Israeli Ambassador recalled - from Raw Story.)

Nigel Gets His Stripes

I wanted to thank everybody who voted for the stripes for the new car. As you can see, I trusted your good judgment and went with the offset stripes. And, as you can see from the title of this entry, I decided to name the car "Nigel." Seemed appropriate to me.

Marc's Midweek Back to Basics Beef Haiku

There are some who think
all that glitters must be gold.
Keep it. I'll take beef.

Uneasy Rider

I just got back from seeing Ghost Rider with Alex. I've never been a big Nicholas Cage fan but I generally enjoy the adaptations of Marvel's stuff, so I figured I'd give it a try. First thing's first... OMG, Nicholas Cage is looking AWFUL. The bad rug he's wearing makes it even worse. Overall, the movie pretty much sucked -- Cage was a bad choice for the role and the script was lousy.

One positive thing that I took out of it was the realization that Nicholas Cage and Tim Allen are merging into the same person. Case in point: Allen is also going with the leather look in his new movie, Wild Hogs. The big difference between the two flicks -- Allen's hair doesn't look so bad.

Sometimes people need a hug...

I Love Brady Quinn