Crossroads

For those of you who haven't kept up with this blog over time, one of my major interests is dance music, which has culminated (at this point) with me DJing at a club here in town. DJing was never one of my dreams or anything -- rather, I ended up finding music I really fell in love with and cared about. In so many ways, I feel like the music I play is a reflection of me as a person.

The Phoenix gay scene is really in a transition -- the cohort I started going out with has really turned to other things, leaving the younger generation as the main audience at my bar. In my time as resident at the club, its become very apparent that my musical tastes (which tend toward the groovy/house/tribal/circuit with a little trance thrown in once in a blue moon) are a good ways away from the younger crowd, which has grown up with the heavily hip-hop/R&B influenced Top-40 out there. That ain't my bag, baby. I've done my best to walk the line as best I can, but at the end of the day, I end up playing what I love and what is in my heart.

Its finally come to a point where something needs to change. I had a meeting with the bar owner last night -- he can't ignore who the crowd is or what they want. He'd like me to stay and move in the direction that would give the crowd what they want. I've enjoyed being there and I think in the time I've been there, I've demonstrated that I have a lot of talent and I can be successful at this and I have people out there who really appreciate what I do. But the question arises: At what cost? I can't escape the reality that the majority of those who are coming out really don't want to hear what I want to put out there. Would it be worth it to try to stay and try to find new parts of this that I could perhaps learn to appreciate and maybe to enjoy and end up being more successful? If I leave, aren't I giving up the chance to try to connect with a different audience? Would any success really matter if I'm turning away from what I loved about DJing in the first place? Do I walk away? What if it means I end up giving up DJing altogether? Am I able to trust that perhaps this is just an opportunity to find a place that would be a better fit for me instead of trying to fit my square peg into the round hole?

Yogi Berra once said, "When you come to the fork in the road, take it." But which road should I go? I think I know what I need to do, but I'm always interested in other perspectives.

Marc's Midweek Green Beef Haiku

Once upon a time,
they called them tighty whities.
Why'd they choose pea green?

Life Imitating Art?

Holy Brokeback! OK, as much as I'd love to say that Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were hooking up in real life, apparently that is too much to ask for. That said, life really does appear to be imitating art -- reports have Heath and Brokeback co-star Michelle Williams set to marry. Apparently this isn't too great a leap, as they apparently fell in love on the set back in 2005 and subsequently had a child. Still, kinda makes you wonder if Heath and Jake could really be special friends... At least we can fantasize.

Goat Porn

Ok, its Wednesday, which means its a beef haiku day -- that's on its way. Before we get to the beef, here's an amusing, true, yet really fucked up story involving goats...

From MSNBC:

"MAHOPAC, N.Y. - A man broke into a barn on Thanksgiving morning, spray-painted three pet goats and scattered pages of pornographic magazines on the floor, apparently to harass the property owner, police said Tuesday."

I've heard many anecdotes about sheep, but never goats. As if the indignity of being spray painted wasn't enough, the goats apparently got sick from eating pages of the pornographic magazines. Just goes to show: Porn is harmful to goats. Let this be a lesson to us all.

Vote Freedom First?

Have you ever driven around and seen the guys driving pickup trucks with "Vote Freedom First" bumperstickers? Apparently that motto only applies to gun control these days. Amid President Bush's warrentless wiretaps and the so-called "Patriot Act," it seems like conservatives are eager for us to give up our freedoms for the sake of the "war on terror." Newt Gingrich is the latest in this lineup -- arguing that freedom of speech must give way to fighting terrorism. "We need to get ahead of the curve before we actually lose a city, which I think could happen in the next decade." Apparently, we need a "different set of rules" to prevent terrorists using the Internet.

This is a pretty scary road that the right is going down -- while they look to Reagan and Goldwater as their predecessors, they've abandoned their legacies. As Reagan once said, "You and I are told increasingly that we have to choose between a left or right, but I would like to suggest that there is no such thing as a left or right. There is only an up or down— up to a man's age-old dream; the ultimate in individual freedom consistent with law and order— or down to the ant heap totalitarianism, and regardless of their sincerity, their humanitarian motives, those who would trade our freedom for security have embarked on this downward course." Who's leading us to the downward slope now?

Twist!

By now we've all heard of the Ted Haggard scandal - the leader of the Colorado evangelical megachurch who was having the affair with a gay hustler escort. We've also seen the Mark Foley/Congressional page scandal. So, hidden gayness leads to public figure's downfall, that's just how it goes, right? Not if you're Canadian, apparently. In recent elections in Repentigny, Quebec, located just north of Montreal, someone has just hit the oddest trifecta I've ever heard of -- from gay hustler, to Roman Catholic priest, to member of Parliament. Nice to know that this world can always come up with things to surprise you.

Marc's Thanksgiving Day Beef Haiku

A day to give thanks
or indulge in life's pleasures?
I'll stuff your turkey!

Hey You -- No Grunting!

Is nothing sacred?

In an effort to cut down on so-called "musclehead behavior," Planet Fitness of Wappingers Falls, N.Y. has instituted a strict "no grunting" policy, including a flashing light and siren that sounds when someone grunts or drops weights. "We're creating an atmosphere that's not intimidating," said Carol Palazzolo, the gym manager.

According to a local report, they're serious about it, too. Palazzolo called police to eject a member who violated the grunting restrictions. Al Argibay, the grunter in question, apparently was performing a squats when the incident occurred -- "I let out a grunt, squatted down, back up, grunt again. That's it. Basically, grunt, grunt, basic breathing in heavy, and breathing out."

Apparently, Palazzolo confronted Argibay about the forbidden grunting. Their accounts differ at this point -- Palazzolo alleges that Argibay became irate and swore at her. Argibay denies those charges. What isn't disputed is that Palazzolo called police to have Argibay removed from the gym. Planet Fitness recently revoked Argibay's membership.

Through it all, Palazzolo isn't backing down -- "If he feels I hurt his feelings, I apologize for that, but I do not apologize for the way I handled the situation and I am not apologizing for our etiquette at Planet Fitness."

This sounds like beef discrimination to me, no question. I'm no beef, but I'm willing to show solidarity to make sure beeves are treated fairly and with respect.

Commercialism

"Hey, are those JustUsBoys briefs you're wearing?"

"Actually, no, they're AussieBum. Do you like them?"

"Well to be honest, they look a little too much like panties to me. What ever happened to wearing a simple pair of tighty whiteys?"

"Yeah, you've got a point. This commercialization of gay underwear has gotten pretty out of control. Hey, what brand of underwear do you wear?"

"I stopped wearing them, as a profound and yet personal form of social protest."

"I see the beginnings of a social movement!"

"Oh, is that what they're calling them these days? I remember when we'd just say, 'Damn, that's a nice cock.'"

"You read WAY too much porn."

Orgasm for Peace!

I know many voters in the US were upset with the occupation of Iraq, resulting in the Democrats' sweeping victory in the Congressional election. I'd like to think that this election will have some sort of effect on things, but for those of you who are wondering how you can do even more to bring about change, just what can you do? Donna Sheehan and Paul Reffell have an idea -- The Global Orgasm for Peace.

Reffell explained the idea behind the worldwide O: "The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it. Your mind is like a blank. It's like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change." Their goal is to have everyone in the world to have an orgasm on December 22 while focusing on World Peace. I think that's some social activism that I can definitely enthusiastically support.

Sacred Institution

Is it just me or does this weird everyone else out too? First of all, aside from the overall weirdness, you have to deal with the media outlets referring to them as TomKat. Ugh. Ok, it was kind of cute when they were talking about "Bennifer," lost its charm when they went on with "Brangelina" and the whole "TomKat" thing is reaching. I've seen a couple of blogs who refer to EVERY celebrity couple by combining their names. I'm not a big fan of the whole "jumping the shark" euphemism, but if there's a shark, they jumped it a long time ago. LET. IT. GO.

I'm sorry, this picture still freaks me out.

One Percent

According to a recent government study, around "1 percent of Web sites indexed by Google and Microsoft are sexually explicit..." The study, part of the federal government's attempt to revive the 1998 Child Online Protection Act that was struck down by the US Supreme Court in 2004, after having struck down another Congressional attempt to restrict internet porn in 1997. Despite the fact that filtering software can block over 90% of explicit material from minors, the government is still trying to limit what we adults can view... because, as we can see from the government's adult abstinance programs, adults are just kids... only a little older... and therefore we should all be treated as children, right?

This study leads me to the inevitable question... just what is this mythical 99% of non-porn internet content? And does anyone really look at it?

File Under: WTF?

People Magazine has just named George Clooney as its "Sexiest Man Alive." For the second time. Excuse me, what planet are you living on? George Clooney isn't the sexiest 45 year-old I know, let alone the sexiest man alive. Straight people are just living in some strange alternate reality.

Marc's Midweek 'Eating Out 2' Beef Haiku

Is he gay or straight?
Two movies, just one concept.
But still, I'd hit that.

(Check out Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds - It's damn funny!)

Bishops to Gays: 'Shut Up and Stay in the Closet!'

I know its hardly news that the Catholic Church isn't the most gay friendly of organizations. The country's Bishops are doing their best to reinforce that image. A recent story describes the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops' 194-37 vote to adopt new guidelines to "support gay parishoners." Their advice: Stay celibate and don't make "general public self-disclosures" about your sexual orientation in Church. Boy, that's helpful -- you'd think that they'd mention some helpful redecorating tips to make your closet feel more comfortable, as they'd like you to stay in there.

It seems as if the Church is doing everything it can to make itself even less relevant. For example, American Catholics reportedly ignore the Church's teaching on birth control -- only 4% of Catholics in this country reportedly adhere to "natural" birth control. Apparently, the Church wants to alienate any remaining gay parishoners -- perhaps they'll be able to duplicate the 4% level with gays.

Clearly, the Church prefers to ratchet up its attempts at social control above all else. Bishop William Skylstad, leader of the U.S. Conference, describes the atmosphere in the Church these days -- "The point seems to be not to seek the truth or to build up the Body of Christ, but to strive for a sort of victory by overcoming others, preferably by crushing those who disagree." I think the Church might as well quit fucking around and bring back the Inquisition.

Return of the FSM!

There can be no doubt! All praise the Flying Spaghetti Monster! I have been touched by his noodley appendage!

Profound Question

How can my sinuses produce so much mucus in such a short time span? Don't they get tired? To boot, this cold is now making my teeth hurt.

Little Things

This weekend went much better than I expected -- of course, given that my expectations were pretty low, its nice to have exceeded them. Its easy to get caught in the mode of noticing what's wrong in life -- as I've said before, this year hasn't really gone the way I had planned (as if it ever does) and its been difficult at times to let that go and notice the good things that are happening. Even when I've stopped and noticed the negativity I was stuck in, I kept missing what I needed to do to get out.

Anyway, I was watching TV for a little bit this afternoon -- something I rarely do these days. One of the commercials really seemed to point me in the direction I've needed to go. I've seen this commercial several times and its really one of my favorites.

What I love about it is the notion that one person doing a little thing to help someone else, to make things just a tiny bit better, those little things can help inspire others to do the same.

I guess that part of my recent angst lately is that I really try to do things the way I think is right. For example, as a DJ, I really feel like the music I play is a reflection of me as a person. While I try to walk a fine line and incorporate music that is new and appeals to the crowd, I also want to play songs that also give people a sense of hope and love, and to do it in a way that is appropriate and not preachy. Truth be told, there are many out there who really only want to hear whatever song is popular at the moment. I was fortunate this weekend that one of the people who works at the bar mentioned that he really appreciated that aspect of my sets. It gave me the chance to step back and realize that the little things I do really do make a difference, even if I don't always get to see the result of it... and that's a pretty good birthday present, if you ask me.

"It is better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not."
-Andre Gide

A Little More Time

I don't know about you guys, but the charm of birthdays wore off for me a long time ago. I'm all gung ho when it comes to celebrating them for others but when it comes to myself, I'd much rather just go off by myself, thank you very much. I suppose birthdays are very much like New Years and funerals -- its a natural time to stop and reflect about the past and take a glimpse forward. This birthday is no different. These days I've divided my life into two main chunks - before I came out and after. While there are certainly elements from that first period that have carried over into the second, for me it hasn't been a matter of just trying to dress up my life into something better. Its really been a matter of ripping just about everything out and starting over in so many ways, trying to put my life together in a meaningful way as opposed to the general sense that I was living a life that I had fallen into. In the six or so years since I finally came out I gave up my job (that I hated, to be honest), my condo, many friends, my old way of life, and comfortable, if dysfunctional, sense of myself... all in the hope that I could create something better. A career where I do meaningful, rewarding work, supportive friends, a partner to love and share my life with, a new place to call my own, a general sense of joy and appreciation.

For any of you who've remodeled a house, I'm talking major reconstruction, I think you know that it never goes as quickly as you'd hoped and it never goes smoothly. This has been no different. So, on this 33rd birthday of mine, I confess I've gotten a little caught up in wondering why the hell things haven't gotten finished yet. Where's that back wall? Dammit, why haven't the counters been installed yet? Right around New Years I had this giddy sense of optimism - that the major pieces I had been waiting for, at least a couple, were finally ready to fall into place. In practice, it turns out there was still a lot of work left to be done and this year has pretty much been a bitch.

Through the past six years, truth be told, if I stop back and look at just how much has changed for me in those years, with everything I've done, everything I've been through, I can't help but recognize the amazing amount of work that I've done. When I allow myself to focus on those little victories, I know that the truth is that they all add up and that I've done what needed to be done. That said, on a day like a birthday, its hard to look past some of the big things that just aren't here yet. Even though I feel like I'm better off than I was a year ago and that maybe some of those big things really are sorting themselves out, its hard to look around and notice all the things I haven't done yet. Maybe that's human nature, maybe that's just yet another one of my shortcomings.

Anyway, this song sort of encapsulates the mood of this November 10.

Jealousy

I was trolling around MySpace last night and came across the profile of someone in town I know who, among other things, is a stripper. That, in and of itself, is not extraordinary -- in the gay community its not unusual to know people who strip, have done/do porn, escorting, etc. In many circles, there's a certain amount of celebrity to it. I consider myself to be a pretty progressive guy and I do my best not to judge -- honestly, I know quite a few people in those industries and it doesn't make much difference to me. Anyway, in this person's profile he talks about his boyfriend and how much he loves him, which is great and all. But that part made me stop and think -- would I be able to deal with a boyfriend who strips/does porn? As I've said before, I'm a pretty progressive person. I've seen enough and read enough to know that work in the sex industries is just that -- work. Having watched a couple of documentaries on the making of gay porn, it was clearly one of the least erotic things I could imagine. That said, am I progressive enough to say honestly that I'd be able to deal with a boyfriend in that area? HELL NO. I'm a Scorpio. On my bad days I can get... shall we say, a trifle possessive? I wouldn't care if my boyfriend had that history, as long as it was in the past, but I'm just curious as to what other people think -- feel free to vote or leave a comment.

Marc's Midweek Post-Election Beef Haiku

Gay marriage question:
Seven vote against the gays,
One state bucks the trend!

Thank You, Arizona!

Arizona catches a lot of flak sometimes, often times with good reason. But yesterday it did itself proud. Not only did we dump J.D. Hayworth, but it also appears that Arizona is the first and only state to defeat a gay marriage ban at the polls, voting down Proposition 107, the so-called Protect Marriage Amendment, with 51.4% of voters, as of Wednesday morning.

Oops, She Did It Again!

Ladies and gentlemen, the new ex-Mr. Britney Spears. I know everybody and their mother was waiting for Britney to finally come to her senses and dump K-Fed. He can take some solace knowing that Britney's previous marriage lasted for only 55 hours. Ah, the sanctity of traditional marriage. We must protect it.

Safer Sex in a Sec!

Has the hassle of safe sex got you down? Taking too long to put on your swimming cap before you dive in? A South African company has the answer for you! The Pronto condom. Willem van Rensburg, designer of the Pronto, explains the idea behind this -- "Using an ordinary condom is a real pain. By the time the condom is on, the mood is halfway out the window."

Pronto to the rescue! After years of hard work (no pun intended), Willy can wear his hat in just a second... "If you're slow, it'll take you three seconds."

Currently, Pronto condoms are only available in South Africa, but I'd imagine the company will continue to grow expand enlarge increase distribution before long.

Fuck? NO!

While my brain is just about ready to explode from an overload of government and election related crap, I just couldn't pass this up. In another sign that the Bush administration has not only been drinking its own Kool-Aid but has passed into the realm of a full-on psychotic break, the Department of Health Services has recently announced that it is now targeting adults for its Abstinence Only "education" programs.

Revised DHS guidelines specify that states may target "adolescents and/or adults within the 12- through 29-year-old age range." Wade Horn, assistant secretary for children and families at the DHS explained, "We wanted to remind states they could use these funds not only to target adolescents."

Yes, despite the fact that "well over 90%" of adults between the ages between 20-29 have had sex, your federal government is ready to spend millions of dollars to treat you like children -- last year Congress allocated $50 million, though it remains unclear how much will be approved this year and how much will be spent on programs targeted at adults. I'm expecting large expenditures on posterboard and glitter paint so that we can make millions of "True Love Waits" posters to be put up at every singles bar around the country.

Horn explained DHS's message, which would sound kind of hokey on an episode of DeGrassi High and only sounds worse when you realize they're talking to you: "It's better to wait until you're married to bear or father children. The only 100% effective way of getting there is abstinence." Of course, us card-carrying homosexuals don't even exist in this fantasy-world -- we're all being sent to ex-gay conversion camps where we can meet a nice lesbian and settle down. Madness, I say, madness.