Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Random Blogger Hotness

Ok, I do my best not to fawn over others, especially over my fellow bloggers, but I can no longer contain myself. Andrew over at Bravehound. He's hunky, yes, also has a good ear for dance music and appreciation of the DJing craft and he wouldn't look at me funny when I talk about playing Vanguard: SOH, being that he's one of those WoW people.

The question is: Where can I get one of my very own?

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Its So Big!

For those of you who haven't been keeping track, Jake over at Gestalt decided to play Truth or Dare. The twist is that whoever asked the question or made the dare had to answer the question or complete the dare. I chose truth.

My Question:

Please describe, in detail, your encounter with the largest penis you’ve come across in real life.

In retrospect, not the most challenging of questions for Jake, but you can read his response here -- its definitely NOT safe for work. You can also buy the video in question here.

So, despite the fact that my question was less than challenging for Jake and while I'm not usually the type to kiss and tell, here's my story.

It was back in 2001 -- I hadn't quite emerged from my trashier days... the scene -- South Scottsdale, a small, yet notorious, adult bookstore in the area which shall remain nameless. Anyway, on that evening I was definitely up to no good... And I found it.

There's the racial stereotype that black men are the biggest, and while that may or may not be true in general, in this particular instance I can attest that big things can be found in the most unlikely of places. He was attractive, not overwhelmingly so, but someone you'd definitely give a second glance if you saw him in a bar. We make out a bit -- I'm definitely a big fan of kissing when there's an attractive guy involved -- and we proceed to a little game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." When it comes to the question of cock, to be honest, I've always been able to hold my own. To be honest, its a rare occasion where I've been on the short end of the stick, so to speak. Every now and again, however, life throws you a curve.
It sounds like a line from an overworked piece of bad, gay pulp fiction -- ten and a half inches and thick as my wrist (I have small wrists, so this thing was thicker than that)... In my experience, when someone starts muttering something about 10 inches or so, it means they started measuring from the back of their ass. But here it was, literally staring me in the face. Really, I had always believed that cocks of such enormous size were just stories people told to scare children and novelty items sold in bookstores just like that one, just for shock value.

A couple of things you notice when you're confronted by one of nature's wonders -- first, does that thing ever get really hard? Could it? Would he have enough blood in his body to support the body's essential functions and still get it in workable condition? Second is that you tend to lose all sense of reason in situations like that. So much so, that I ended up going home with the guy.

I suppose I could have escaped at any time along the way... but the reality of things didn't really become apparent until we got to his apartment. Once we were in his bedroom I realized the predicament I was in -- there is NO WAY IN HELL that thing is coming anywhere near my ass. Truth be told, even in the best of times I'm a rather reluctant bottom and I REALLY have to be into the guy. This one was way out of my league and it also would violate my rule #1 when it comes to buttsex -- no permanent damage. I think he got the hint when he found me curled up in a little ball in the corner, whimpering in fear. Fortunately, I think it had been fed not too long ago -- I think I could see the poor creature it had devoured still being digested. And so, I was freed, alive to tell the tale.

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Marc's Midweek Meat Market Beef Haiku

Look but do not touch,
none get past the gatekeeper!
This beef ain't for free!

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Could it be... Satan?!

If you hadn't already heard, the Mayor of Moscow, Yury Luzhkov, recently described last year's gay pride parade, which was banned, as "Satanic." Well isn't that special? "Last year, Moscow came under unprecedented pressure to sanction the gay parade, which can be described in no other way than as Satanic." Fortunately, Moscow can thanks Luzhkov for thinking of "the children." "Some European nations bless single-sex marriages and introduce sexual guides in schools. Such things are a deadly moral poison for children.”

Apparently, the Prince of Darkness has been busy. In addition to trying to round up Russian drag queens for the parade floats, Satan was busy outing Ted Haggard and writing the next Harry Potter book.

The confusing thing is that apparently George Bush is the devil. This leads to an interesting question... where does Bush find the time to do all these things and still make it down to the ranch in Crawford? Seriously, though, I'm hardly a fan of W and I think watching circuit boys and drag queens riding floats through the heart of Moscow would be spectacular. That said, it illustrates an important point -- so many voices have been trying to polarize the world into good versus evil... the world rarely fits into neat little categories like black and white, right and wrong, top and bottom. I'd like to think the world, in general, is better described as "versatile."

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Monday, January 29, 2007


I was at Fry's supermarket today picking up a few items, enjoying the relaxed air of what would normally be another painful Monday afternoon at the office. As I made my way down the aisle with the baking accessories, the grocery store muzak channel took a wistful turn down nostalgia lane that caught me by surprise: Paula Cole's "I Don't Want to Wait" came pouring from the speakers and my carefully crafted facade of happiness fell to pieces. Memories of Dawson's Creek came rushing back into my overwhelmed consciousness and I could not escape the feeling that things had gone horribly wrong.

I was in my last semester of law school when Dawson's Creek debuted on The WB. I remember how cute Dawson and Joey looked together, had a platonic crush on Katie Holmes, and wished I had a hot friend named "Joey" who would climb into my bedroom when I was growing up. Where were the hot, intelligent, sensitive guys like Dawson when I was in high school? At least through Dawson's Creek I could relive my spent youth as I wish it could have been. To boot, Dawson's father was HOT HOT HOT. OMG.

Ah, youth. So much promise... and yet, life has a strange way of turning out. Perhaps the first sign that things weren't going to turn out so well was the entire notion of Joey and Pacey being together. I mean, when has Joshua Jackson ever been appealing? Then they killed off Dawson's HOT father in a car accident... And while Kerr Smith did make a rather fetching one of the gays (also in Broken Heart's Club), I was quite offended by the whole storyline where his lame sister almost dies from taking a tab of Ecstacy. If you're gonna get KOed from one pill, you should really be living your life in one of those plastic bubbles.

Look back now and look at the wreckage that was Dawson's Creek. The WB doesn't even exist anymore -- its mutated into the WB. Neither James Van Der Beek nor Joshua Jackson have careers to speak of, and my beloved Katie Holmes is now married to the Scientologist's Messiah and has an alien baby named Suri. How could it have come to this?

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Friday, January 26, 2007

Friday Mancandy

Haven't really had much to say or blog about the past couple of days. Figured I'd go ahead and celebrate Friday with some beef. Have a great weekend, everybody!

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

MINI - The Next Generation

MINI unveiled the next generation Cooper at the 2007 International Auto Show in Detroit, along with a special edition of convertible - the Mini Cooper Sidewalk. The new Coopers will go on sale on February 17. There's no chance that I'll be moving up to the new model for my next car, but its great to see what's to come. It just makes me want the insurance company to call me even sooner so I can get my new car already!


Tuesday, January 23, 2007


Its an extremely slow day at work today. Its left me searching for things with which to amuse myself. My savior? Wilford Brimley.

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Jesus Cruise?

Ok, I'm still trying to get used to the reality that Tom & Katie actually had their alien baby. Apparently, though, theirs is a magical child because Tom is now considered to be the Scientologists' Messiah. The Sun is reporting that Cruise has been told by Scientology leaders that in the future he will be worshiped as a Christ figure -- “Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure. Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.”

I suppose I could comment further, but I'm at a loss for words.

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Ok, being in a car accident generally sucks all around. That said, if you have to be in one and you manage to walk away uninjured, I'm of the opinion that you take that, even if it costs you your car. That's why they have insurance. Anyway, the accident was over a month ago (no, I decided not to blog about it until now) and they've just decided that they're going to total out the car as opposed to repair it. All of this was going on during the holidays, so I understand why its taken some extra time, but I'm bordering on frustration. Doing my best to just let things happen in their own time, but dammit, I want my car back. Anyway, I called the insurance company to follow up and get a sense of what needs to happen to get a check so I can finally get a new car. My gripe is this: After entering the agent's extension (that's why they give it to you), I had to wait 8 minutes and go through two operators only to make it to voicemail. I don't mind leaving a voicemail but having to listen to a recording of a woman who sounds like Patty and Selma from the Simpsons talking about how important my call was just adding insult to injury. I want this to be over already.

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Friday, January 19, 2007

RIP, Anderson!

You did a hell of a job. Thank you!

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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Marc's Midweek NFL Playoffs Beef Haiku

I lay down to sleep,
Dreams of sweaty beef, tight pants.
My mind on football...

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Where's the Beef?

Ok, you all know I love me some beef, but here's some talk about beef of a different sort. Apparently there's some debate going on right now over the birthplace of the burger. A legislator in Texas has introduced a resolution that would declare that Texas (specifically, Athens, Texas) is the original home of beers, steers and queers the hamburger. State Legislator Betty Brown, a resident of Athens, claims that the burger was first sold in their town in the late 1880s. Texas and their cows, a no brainer, right?

Not so fast! The owner of "Lewis' Lunch" in New Haven, CT, Ken Lassen, claims that his grandfather invented the burger back in 1900 when he owned the diner. Not surprisingly, New Haven's mayor backs Lassen's story, despite the tenuous connection between the home of Yale University and cattle. Then again, who knew there was an Athens, Texas? Athens, Georgia, I've heard of, Athens, Texas, no.

Despite this governmental pissing match, there's one unalterable truth they cannot legislate away: Beef - its what's for dinner!

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Monday, January 15, 2007

One Night Only

Marc_BrettWe had DJ Brett Henrichsen spinning here in Phoenix last night -- a rare event as Brett hasn't made an appearance in Arizona in about three years. I met him originally the first time he was in town at Splash Bash several years ago. As it turns out, he was friends with my friend Michelle, who is also a DJ here in town (DJ SisterSin, for those of you keeping score.) and who I had met a few months after I first met Brett.

This was back in the days before I started DJing -- well, before I was DJing officially. I had fallen in love with dance music a couple of years earlier and had started making CDs for my friends... anyway, I digress. So, Michelle and I became fast friends despite the factAll3BMMe that we're seemingly very different in so many ways. But I found it odd that these DJs kept popping into my life. Call it a sign, I guess.

Flash forward three years or so, Michelle, Brett and I have just finished a quick dinner at Camus before heading over to Burn. Brett's just started his set with this rather showy "audio setup" introduction -- that's Brett, ever the showman. Michelle and I are laughing outside the booth yelling at him to just start the first song already, then we both take pictures of Brett's ass.

Its one of the moments where I stop and realized that never in my life would I have imagined that I would be here, with these people, in this life. Can't say I really understand how I ended up here but I know that I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Alpha Dog?

Justin Timberlake... Alpha Dog... Is it just me or does anyone else have a problem putting those two terms together? I mean, can a chihuahua qualify as an "alpha dog?" Case in point, apparently some of the tats they used to try to thug up Justin mean "ice skating" in Chinese. Great. That's real Gangsta. As the man(?) himself once sang, "Don't fear me baby, its just Justin."

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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Get Me My Nerve Pills!

A new article in the LA Times details the newest pet trend... Pet Prozac! Yes, at first it sounds like a joke, but I suppose there are situations where it makes sense.
I suppose given the choice of putting an animal to sleep or giving it some Prozac and allowing it to have a more normal life, hey, its not so crazy. Still, I'm just waiting for the day when they come out with the pet Viagra commercials.

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Marc's Midweek ASU Veal Haiku

The heart of Tempe
where roam heards of fine, young beeves.
God bless ASU!

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007


"Ask yourself, so what does it mean?
Ask yourself, so what have you seen?
Ask yourself, how true have you been?
Tell me the answer, is it ever too late?

What would it take for us to have a little faith, faith, faith..."

Have you ever wondered if, despite your best, you've pushed things too far... that things are beyond being fixed?

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Another Comparison

I went with Adam to go see Dreamgirls a couple of weeks ago. (Excellent, BTW!) We watched the previews, which included the upcoming film, Stomp The Yard.

As the preview ended, I thought to myself... "Brrrrr! Its cold in here! There must be some Toros in the atmosphere!" It is SO totally a male version of Bring It On... without the humor. Its like watching the Clovers for the entire film.

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Monday, January 08, 2007


Compare Fergie's current effort, Fergalicious...

to J.J. Fad's Supersonic.

Has anyone else noticed that they're the same song?

Update: Apparently I am NOT the first. The J.J. Fad entry at Wikipedia recognizes Fergalicious as a remake of Supersonic.

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Saturday, January 06, 2007


Damn, that's nice. Can you believe he used to be a UPS driver?

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Thursday, January 04, 2007

New Territory?

I don't know about the rest of you but I'm of the general opinion that 2006 blew donkey. Its not as if good things didn't happen last year, but it was a very up and down year -- seems like everytime something positive happened, I'd just about settle down to enjoy it and the bottom would drop out. Once that happened, it seemed like I spent a tremendous amount of energy trying to figure out what happened, dealing with the consequences and trying to get things moving again. Needless to say, I was ready for 2006 to be over.

In the process of last year, I think I was able to identify things in my life I'd like to change and gone through the process of letting go of things that were holding me back. I've mentioned it before, I know. That said, as the first couple days of 2007 came around, I couldn't wonder whether things would be any different this year and when (or if) things would finally right themselves.

A strange thing happened today. I'm at the office, like most every other day. I stopped to ask a question of a co-worker I've never been particularly fond of and noticed, "Wait a tic, I really don't mind him one bit!" I sat down and took an inventory of the things that usually fuel my angst... its not as if any of them have quite resolved themselves yet. What struck me was the general sense of contentment and willingness to let these things take care of themselves rather than trying to push or being frustrated that things aren't where I'd like them to be. Bizarre. Sure, I know there's plenty of work left to be done, but there's an odd sense that I'm in uncharted waters and that perhaps things might not be as much of a struggle as they were before.

So what about you guys? Is 2007 feeling any different or is it just more of the same?

Create polls and vote for free.

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Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Marc's Midweek New Year Beef Haiku

Let go of the old,
now is time for something new.
Greetings to young beef!

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Tuesday, January 02, 2007


Now this is the way to start out the New Year... I haven't seen anything so incredibly romantic, if heartbreaking, in a long time.

Thanks to Towleroad for the headsup!

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Monday, January 01, 2007

Spread Love

Its 2007 and I haven't put up a new CD on my in AGES. So, here's my latest CD for your listening pleasure.



Happy New Year, everybody!

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