Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Those Sluts!

A recent study from the Zoological Society of London finds that female cheetahs in the Serengeti have been sleeping around... a lot. Apparently, nearly half their litters have are made up with cubs with different fathers. Some scientists decry the risks of the cheetahs' immoral behavior, such as increased exposure to disease, increased dependence on welfare and social services and an overall breakdown in the cheetah moral fabric and order.

What disturbs me even more is that with Jerry Falwell no longer around, we've heard not one peep from any religious organization condemning this immoral behavior. Everyone knows that God's plan for cheetahs is built upon cheetah marriage between one male and one female... and with the male still sleeping around. But the point is that if South Africa hadn't allowed gays to marry, this probably wouldn't be happening. Where is James Dobson? Why hasn't he sounded the alarm on this important problem? Aren't cheetah families important too?

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Marc's Midweek Abercrombie Clone Haiku

There are some who say
clones are a dime a dozen.
Hey, I've got some dimes.

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Why I Love Seamen

What do you get when you take a bunch of shirtless Naval Academy cadets, get them all wet and throw in a whole lot of lard? Yes, I know it sounds like one of the newest Bel Ami videos, or at least something that would definitely violate Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Instead, its something called the Herndon Monument Climb. I suppose I could explain what its all about, but do any of you really care? The important thing is that Allrand Photography has captured a bunch of greased up Naval Cadets on camera. The site also has the '05 climb, but for some reason there was very little shirtlessness back then...

(via Towleroad)


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Another Sign Religion is Dead

This is Pride season in the land of the Gays and with the return of Pride returns the annual murmurs that Pride has devolved into just another excuse to sell alcohol and other varied products. Whether you agree that Pride is still necessary or should be cast to the Gay dumpster, let's take a look on the other side of the spectrum, shall we?

Introducing Virtue, the first "Christian" perfume. I know it sounds like something from The Onion, but this one is real. From Virtue's website: "In practically all religions and Spiritual practices, persons of high Spiritual attainment are known to give off a fragrance, attributed to their Virtue. Christ, many of the Saints, and numerous others with highly developed spirituality, are, historically, known to have given off such a fragrance."

Classic! "Buy this perfume and you too can be holy!" That ranks right up with, "Buy this beer and these large-breasted identical twins will want to sleep with you!" I don't mean to suggest that all religious people are somehow insincere. That said, I can just picture Jesus buying a bottle of "Virtue" perfume for Mary Magdalene. Or was that what she used when she dried Jesus's feet with her hair? Maybe the Three Magi brought a bottle to the Virgin Mary at the birth of Jesus.

The gold cross isn't enough... nor is the "Real Men Love Jesus" bumpersticker on the back of the SUV... really, even though my kids are all decked out in T-Shirts with biblical quotes and we can do all our shopping at the megamall church we attend and listen to religious gansta rappers for Jesus, I really must wear Virtue perfume as a sign of my faith. Yes, once I have Virtue perfume, I will be holy.

So, let's just say that commercialism is commercialism, whether its aimed at the gay community or anywhere else...

(via The Daily Dish)

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Mysterious Beef

Oh mysterious beef,
Much do I covet thee!
Forever shall my devotion be yours...
or at least until I find someone even better.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Marc's Midweek Summer Beef Haiku

The summer is here--
You'll find beef in cool water.
Can't let the beef bake!

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Sunday, May 20, 2007

Curves of Steel

Alex and I went to the Curves of Steel exhibit at the Phoenix Art Museum. I hadn't been to the PAM in a few years and they had already undergone another major expansion. I know that "Phoenix" and "art" aren't words that one immediately puts together, so I am quite pleased that the city has been putting in money and effort to raise the level of the museum to become appropriate for the 5th largest city in the country. Any improvement in culture in this town is to be applauded. To boot, according to the PAM's website, "Curves of Steel, organized by Phoenix Art Museum, is the first exhibition in an art museum to explore the impact and influence of streamlining on American and European automobile design in the 20th century." Nice to know we're ahead of the curve on something...

The Curves of Steel exhibit was interesting - although I'm not a huge car aficionado, some of the designs were absolutely breathtaking, from the shape and form of the cars themselves to the use of color. I found this to be a sharp and refreshing contrast to the cars of today... well, except for the Mini, of course, which is near and dear to my heart.

Anyway, the exhibit itself was like PAM's other major exhibits -- a great concept, but a bit stretched. Most of the designs were from the 30s and 40s, which would have been fine had they confined the exhibit to that. Instead, you jumped from the 40s to a monstrous design from the 80s, a shimmery blue car from the 90s that seemed out of place, and an odd airplane surplus design from the 50s. It felt tacked on -- like an essay written for class that was too short, so you had to throw some filler in at the end that doesn't quite fit. You need to either flesh out the later years of the exhibit or cut out the filler. One or the other.

After the rather short exhibit, Alex and I decided to make use of the $14 admission fee and explore the rest of the museum. As we wandered through some of the older pieces, I realized that what this museum needed was a little updating. Taking the cue from lolcats, loltrek, and lolbeeves, I knew the art should reflect the comments we all make in our minds as we walk through the gallery. As such, I present: lolart.

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Friday, May 18, 2007

State of the Music Industry

Perhaps its not a shocking revelation, but like 95% of the gay men in this country, I LOVED Dreamgirls. And through the course of the film/show, you can't help but feel for Effie, whether played by Jennifer Hudson or the original Jennifer Holliday, who loses her chance at stardom despite a killer set of pipes... even after the feel good reunion at the end, there's just no doubt that girl got screwed.

Of course, the music industry has always been about marketing. There are countless talented musicians (and DJs) out there you've never heard of -- the industry, however, has always decided who you were going to listen to, what the look and sound would be, just like you'd market a bag of potato chips. The difference today is that, in my opinion, things are getting worse... much worse.

A recent article from examines this phenomenon with female singers. "The music is not about just music anymore, it's about the look, the 'it' factor if you will ... it's marketing," states an industry insider. While looks have always been a factor, in the past there was at least some room for performers with exceptional talent - Aretha, Mama Cass, hell, even Wilson Philips had Carnie. Not anymore. The future, it seems, is the Pussycat Dolls.

The Pussycat Dolls, with only one member (Nicole Scherzinger) who really sings, are really just a label controlled entity. As explained by Wikipedia, "Interscope lawyer Darryl Franklin said, during a panel discussion, that the contract with the group specifies that its members are salaried employees of the record label and, by design, interchangeable..." Yes, they're essentially a female boyband, although it seems like they're even a step below... PCD are essentially just a brand.

Again, it gets back to marketing -- and on one level, it would seem that they're doing a bang up job of it... or are they? As the RIAA is quick to point out, CD sales are plummeting. They'd like to blame it all on those evil people who are downloading music illegally... but studies suggest that file sharing has virtually no affect on music sales. Instead, let me posit another theory -- the music sucks. Yes, the music industry might be able to take one song and forcibly embed it into the nation's collective consciouness and sell millions of copies, but overall, they're turning out a crappy product and the proof is in the sales.

Now, people are deciding they only want to buy the tracks they want, instead of being forced to buy a full album in order to hear the 2 or 3 tracks they want to hear. Our current distribution system is on its last legs, I hope. I'm ready for it to die as soon as it possibly can.

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Baking is Fun!

How come this never happens in my kitchen?

Thanks, QC! (NSFW!)

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Brady The Leather Man

Even at a wedding, Brady Quinn finds a way to be incredibly hot. ND will NOT be the same without you.

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Marc's Midweek Laundry Day Beef Haiku

My last pair of shorts...
Damn, I hate doing laundry.
Guess I could go nude...

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Big Cock

From Alexander's recent trip to Sedona...

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Monday, May 14, 2007

What Price Dignity?

Ok, I don't know who thought this would make a good ad campaign, but I would suggest that the ad company not hire people who have had a frontal lobotomy. Ask yourself this question -- just how much would your dignity cost? How much would they have to pay you to be the idiotic "Berries and Cream" guy? What's even more gag-inducing: there are quite a few out there who would do it for free...

Sad... people really will imitate just about anything. What's that whimpering I hear? Oh, its the baby Jesus... he's crying.

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For Jonny

You know, I haven't had any pure mansploitation on the blog for a while. This one's for you, Jonny.

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A Career Gone Wrong

I was flipping through channels today, a rarity for me as I don't watch TV, and The Mummy Returns was showing on USA. I marveled at how annoying the little kid was and remembered that the guy who played Ardeth Bay, the mysterious Arabic warrior in both of the Mummy films, Oded Fehr, was also in Charmed for a pretty significant story arc during the later years.

Finally I came to the so-called "star" of the film, Brendan Fraser. He's an attractive guy, I remember him in films like School Ties (which starred other budding superstars such as Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris O'Donnell -- speaking of which, WTF happened to him? I saw some recent photos of him and the 21st Century has NOT been kind) and With Honors and I remember thinking that the guy was a talent actor with quite a future, even as late as 1998, in Gods and Monsters.

Certainly he's done enough work to be considered "successful" but while you can forgive a movie like Airheadz early in his career (besides, it had Adam Sandler in it...), there are way too many movies like Dudley Do Right, George of the Jungle, Monkeybone, and Looney Tunes: Back in Action. And yet another sign of the apocalypse -- The Mummy 3 is in pre-production.

What happened? How did such a promising career go so horribly wrong?

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Saturday, May 12, 2007

Save Net Radio
I haven't mentioned this issue before, but its one near and dear to my heart. If you haven't already heard, the Copyright Royalty Board imposed a new royalty structure that would essentially end internet radio, including large broadcasters such as NPR, and small ones like my friends at iPartyRadio. Recently, legislation in both the House and Senate has been introduced to reverse this decision. While there has already been a lot of grass roots support, we need your help - contact your Representative or Senator and let them know that you support the Internet Radio Equality Act. You can also check out SaveNetRadio for more info.

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The Facts of Life

I always knew Jo and Blair used to go at it like a couple of angry mackerel fighting...

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Just A Friend

Its time for some humor right now. Here's a little blast from the past...


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Wednesday, May 09, 2007


They say that when God closes a door, He opens a window. Ok, there should be a window opening right now...


Marc's Midweek Francois Sagat Beef Haiku

What beauty from France!
Such joy to see him with his
beautiful boyfriend!*

(Check out Francois's blog... [NSFW!])
*Also NSFW

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Under The Influence

Ok, imagine you're a celebrity. You've got lots of money and generally are under the impression that you can do pretty much whatever you want. That belief runs smack dab into reality when you are arrested for being intoxicated while driving. Suddenly, you're facing the prospect of some time in the pokey and having a charming photo on websites like this. While the prospect of having to spend time around normal people is frightening, what exactly do you do?

Case No. 1: George Michael.
Found slumped over behind the wheel of his car while the car itself was blocking traffic, the singer went to court yesterday. Accused of driving while under the influence of prescription drugs, went before the court and pled guilty. "I really have been very distressed by this whole thing. I am perfectly aware that I did something very wrong and got into my car when I was unfit to drive," he said. "I was not in my normal physical state and I'm perfectly prepared to accept the correct punishment for that and I would have accepted it a long time ago."

Case No. 2: Paris Hilton.
Sentenced last Friday for she was pulled over driving at 70 mph without her headlights on in a 35 mph zone, driving on a suspended license and violating her probation by failing to enroll in a court-ordered alcohol education program within 21 days of her January probation. The judge sentenced her to 45 days in jail. She is now asking supporters to sign a petition requesting that Governor Schwarzenegger pardon her, as the whole incident is really her publicist's fault. "I feel that I was treated unfairly and that the sentence is both cruel and unwarranted and I don't deserve this," Hilton explained to reporters.

According to the LA Times, the petition begs for a pardon for Hilton because she provides "beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives." Apparently, our friends and Ginch Gonch models, Ethan Reynolds and Benjamin Bradley are among those who can't live without the "beauty and excitement" of Paris Hilton, as the two have already begun selling their own "Free Paris" t-shirts. Personally, I'm old school and prefer the "Free Winona" t-shirts that came out a few years ago after our favorite Girl Interrupted was caught shoplifting.

I suppose I could rant about the absurdity of it all, or criticize Ethan and Ben for their stand -- apparently I'd have to get in line as the comments to their entry have been almost uniformly negative. At the same time, I know there are times I've driven when I shouldn't have and I've had friends who've been popped with some DUIs as well. The moral of this story, I suppose is that our actions have consequences and not all of us have charming male models selling t-shirts on our behalf when its time for us to deal with those consequences.

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007


A couple of days ago Alexander sent me a link to this blog filled with "cute" pictures of furry pets with "funny" captions in attempt to cheer me up -- lolcats. It made me wish I was able to projectile vomit across town in order to show him just how "funny" I thought those were... Yeah, funny if you're a pregnant mother of 12 who thinks there is just too much violence on TV and will you be attending the next tupperware party I'm having?

In response, someone created "loltrek" -- an entire episode of Star Trek, done in lolcats screencap style. Ok, for the record, I love Star Trek, including the original series. That said, I can literally hear my soul screaming out in pain. In between the incomprehensible shrieks and moans, I hear the phrase, "TOO... STRAIGHT..."

So, answering my soul's call, I decided to create my own. Yes, Perez Hilton and Pink Is The New Blog has been doing this for a while with celebrities, but I don't really give two shits about them. Instead, I now present: lolbeeves. Alexander sent me the pics, I added the captions. Isn't that cute? Aren't I funny? Come on, you know you love them.

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Marc's Midweek Bound Beef Haiku

When life ties you down,
just try to enjoy the break.
Beef will soon be free!

(Thanks to Roids and Rants [NSFW] for the pic!)

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