I Survived Light Rail

Yesterday was the grand opening for Valley Metro's new light rail service here in the Valley. It's a project that's been years in the making. My dad and I decided to head to downtown Phoenix to catch an exhibit at the Arizona Science Center and we figured that it would be a great opportunity to check out the new light rail system. We headed down to the Apache & Dorsey station because it was designated as a "Park & Ride" stop. We were greeted with a carnival-like atmosphere as there were a number of celebrations going on at several stations.

While I anticipated that people would come out on the first day, I hadn't realized that turnout would be as heavy as it was. While I heard reports of 2.5 hour waits, we managed to get the first train that stopped. That said, we were greeted with a train that was absolutely packed. It was a very un-Phoenix-like experience. Still, the riders seemed to be in good spirits -- the conductor would announce that he was closing the doors and would count down from 5 to 1 and the riders began counting down with him. The high point was crossing Tempe Town Lake and hearing the oohs and ahs as we glided over the water. Once we crossed into Phoenix, it became an actual clown car experience, as a clown made her way onto our already overcrowded car. I overheard a few passengers around me wishing physical violence on the wayward clown.

The trip back was a little more trying. I had hoped that perhaps things would settle down later in the day. I miscalculated. We headed for the 1st Avenue and Washington station after lunch. There were many more people than at the Apache & Dorsey station. The first train came and was full, I overheard some riders saying that they had seen several trains come and go and hadn't been able to get on. Officials at the station said that there was another train following in 5 or 10 minutes, but it ended up being around 20 minutes to the next train. Valley Metro was also running special buses along the light rail route for those who didn't want to wait, but as we saw those buses pass us by, they seemed as crowded as the light rail cars.

Fortunately, we were able to get on the second train, as I was determined to push my way on and make the trip back home. The trip back was less comfortable than the first -- the cars were more crowded on the way back, it seemed like everyone was tired and ready to get back home. I remember someone remarking that we were being herded like cattle, but I reminded him that because of a recent initiative passed, farm animals are required to have much more space for them to move.

Overall, I was very pleased with the experience. I'm glad they had so many people come out in support and I hope that people use it. I'm interested in seeing what the ridership is like once regular service starts. I'm also hoping they come to their senses and extend service on Friday and Saturday nights for people who want to hit the bars. I'm also interested in seeing how the areas around the line develop -- I'd have to believe that the land use around it is going to change quite a bit. It was a great start and I'm looking forward to seeing how things come together.

The Latest

I've been a little quite lately here on the blog -- I haven't really felt inspired to post lately, so I figured I'd just let things sit for a bit. Nothing earth shattering going on -- I'm heading to Denver in a little under two weeks, which is exciting. Aside from that, I'm working on a new CD, which always takes a while.


One thing that I've really enjoyed getting involved with is a site called Kiva -- essentially, it's a program that makes microloans to individuals and groups in developing countries. The cool part about it is that it allows individuals to sign up to fund the individual loans in whole or in part. For example, a bunch of different people might come together to loan money to a group of farmers in Bolivia to buy more land and equipment to help farm... not just a nameless, faceless group, but THIS group of farmers pictured on the right.

What I love about this program is that instead of donating money to a charity and feeling like it's a drop in the bucket and wondering if it really makes a difference, you get to see exactly who you're helping and where the money goes. What makes it even more satisfying is that you also get to see as they repay the loans month by month, which lets you know that this program really is making a difference. Maybe it doesn't solve the world's problems all at once, but it's moving forward bit by bit. The other cool part is that once the loan is repaid, the amount you contributed is returned, so you can lend it again to someone else. It just keeps cycling through over and over again.

For me it's been a great reminder that change often comes in small steps like that, instead of big leaps. Sometimes I lose sight of that in my own life, as I keep hoping for those big leaps instead of being willing to keep taking those smaller steps. It all makes a difference.

And you too can make a difference (perhaps to this group of farmers or someone else) by visiting Kiva.

Home Again

Sorry for having a light week when it comes to posting. Last week was a busy week. Along with trying to put together a last-minute memorial CD for a friend who passed away a few months ago, I also headed back to Notre Dame for a weekend conference called Alumni Senate.

I won't bore you with the details, because a lot of it was meetings and workshops and dinners with other Alumni. I guess the big thing for me was that I had come last year and had really struggled, having lost my job a couple of months before, I was wrestling with the questions that inevitably come with that along with the heightened sensitivity of being around so many people who are successful in traditional ways.

Flash forward a year: While many of the circumstances, on the surface, haven't resolved themselves yet, I've been coming to accept that I really am in a much different place. While I may not be a partner at a big law firm or deeply ingrained in a Fortune 500 company, it's okay because that's not really want to be anyway. Maybe I don't know how to make my dreams come true yet, but when I stop to look at my life, I know that I'm involved in things that I really care about (and enjoy, if I let myself) and I'm excited about the possibilities of what is to come.

What makes it more special to me is that Notre Dame is the one place where, despite the fact that I had stepped away from my family and everything I knew, I felt like it was home, a place I knew was incredibly special and that I was a part of it. That's a bit of a mixed blessing. Throughout my college experience (and even through last year) I had a hard time with that -- maybe it was being gay on a conservative, Catholic campus, perhaps even deeper. So many times I wondered whether I deserved to be at such a place. Notre Dame isn't the easiest place to be different.

Of course, it's not necessarily easy being different wherever you happen to live. That's been my work -- to recognize that I'm unique and that what I have to offer is valuable, more so than if I had been willing (and able) to stuff myself into the expectations that somehow I placed on myself.

It was a new experience for me -- being able to hold my head up high and say, "Here I am. I'm damn good at what I do. I belong here. I'm proud of myself and of this place. We are part of each other and we always will be." I'm not perfect, at least in any of the ways people would define it. And at the same time, I know that not only will I never be, but that I'm figuring out that I don't need to be and never did. It's just a matter of setting down all the excuses and justifications I've used to hold myself apart from the things I love and diving in. I'm not always in the place where I can do that, or am willing to do that, but I'm getting SO much better at it.

Lighten Up

Sometimes I get bogged down with the things in my life I'm trying to change. Leave it to the Discovery Channel to give me a little perspective. Note to self: There's a lot more out there that I like than I don't... and breaking into song always makes things feel better.

Welcome to Wonderfalls

A couple of months ago, I was spending the day with Alex, who was recovering from some minor surgery. He had recently got a short-lived TV series on DVD, called Wonderfalls. It never made it past the first 4 or 5 episodes and I had never even known it existed. I'm figuring that most of America hasn't either.

It took me a few episodes to finally get into it -- I missed the first couple of episodes, so there was a lot of "WTF?" Once I got past that, I found that I really resonated with the underlying story.

Wonderfalls centers on a young twentysomething living in Niagra Falls, named Jaye. She's got an Ivy League education, works in a dead end job at a local gift shop and lives in a trailer. The series includes a lot of her incredibly odd and dysfunctional family, and while at first she's painted as this pathetic slacker with no ambition, the show goes to great pains to make you understand that she's always been the outcast and that she's trying to choose a different path from her family: her right wing, George W. Bush loving (and still surprisingly lovable) doctor that is her father; her mother, who is a neurotic, well-known author; closeted lesbian-immigration attorney sister; and brother who happens to be a Ph.D. student in Theology and an atheist.

The crux of the show is that one day at work, Jaye is outside at lunch and chokes -- while she manages to dislodge the food, when she returns to work, suddenly things are different -- a wax lion from the vending machine in her store speaks to her. We're not talking Joan of Arcadia, "Yes, Joan, this is God, and listen to me while I pontificate..." Instead, the wax lion tells her not to give a customer her money back.

There's a lot more that I love about this show and I plan on talking about it more, just because there are so many different aspects that I love. But at it's core, it's a story about a very intelligent, talented girl who's grown up choosing to withdraw from the world, keeping most everyone at a distance. The stories Wonderfalls presents are about how the Universe finally starts to push Jaye in a different direction, one where she's forced to interact with the world in new ways and open up to those around her, despite the fact that all the while she's afraid that she's going crazy... and despite the fact that she's usually trying to fight the whole process.

Not only is she's worried she's going crazy, she's also dealing with the chemistry with the charming, emotionally available, though on the rebound Eric, played by the adorable Tyron Leitso.

While I don't live in a trailer, I can't help but see a lot of myself in Jaye and the struggle she's going through. In the first episode she explains her basic worldview: "Well, just look at them. They all work really hard everyday and they're dissatisfied. I mean, I can be dissatisfied without hardly working at all." I guess I've hit that point as well... and I haven't quite found a better solution... except for the insistent nudges the Universe keeps giving me, sending me in directions that don't necessarily feel like the direction I think I want to go and yet somehow always seem to work out in ways I don't really expect.

Refocus

"I don't know how to get close to you, Marc."

Not really sure how many people have said that to me before. I suppose I'm always a little thrown when someone says that to me because in my mind, I don't think it's really that hard... but deep down, I think I forget just how much I decide to hold back... then I wonder why I can't quite understand why people don't really "get" me. I'm not sure where it all came about, perhaps it's my Scorpio-ness, or growing up gay, or something else, I can't really put my finger on it.

All I know is that very early in my life, one morning I woke up and realized that I was different. It's like hearing that old Sesame Street song: "One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong..." and realizing, "Holy shit, they're talking about me." For a long time I figured that if I just tried hard enough, if I was just nice enough, if I can just figure out what they want, they won't notice. Yeah, I was pretty much fucked from the start. It only took me a good 27 years to finally realize just how pointless that was. It's taking a while longer to figure out a better way of going about life.

Yesterday was the most recent time I've had someone tell me they don't know how to get close to me -- specifically, the wise and unique Elsa P. I suppose the best way, in my own mind, is through the music I love. I feel like that's the truest way I know of understanding me -- it's really the only way I know that I can try to help someone feel what it's like to be me.

At the same time, after talking with Elsa, it became quite clear that it's a little too much to expect the world to understand what I'm doing off the bat, because it's like a code that nobody knows but me. The only way around that is to get off my ass and to actually talk about the things that are important to me -- a lot of that is going to be my music (how and why I do what I do) but a lot of the things to which I'm feeling some kind of connection. So while you'll still see beeves, haiku and assorted other stuff here on the blog (because I really do care about that stuff too), expect things around here to go in a little different direction.

In the back of my head, there's that little voice asking, "Why would you do that? Who are you to use this voice of yours?" What I'm learning to accept is that only one answer really makes any sense to me: "Because it's important to me. That has to be enough."

Counterpoint

Super Tuesday is tomorrow and Scott-O-Rama and This Boy Elroy are featuring articles on why they support Hillary Clinton. I decided to give everyone a little counterpoint and explain why I support Barack Obama and urge everyone to take another look at him if you haven't already.

This country needs change. We all know it. In 2004 many of us tried but ultimately, the rallying cry of "anybody but Bush" just wasn't enough. While George W. Bush will be gone after this election, America has been traveling down the wrong road for a while. We can point to the war, mismanagement and corruption or a whole host of bad decisions over the past several years, but these are only symptoms.

At the root of things is the notion that America is somehow at war with itself; that our fellow citizens with which we disagree are our enemies. For too long we've justified reaching political power by whatever means necessary, forgetting that the damage done in the process outweighs whatever possible good that could be achieved. We have been content for our politics to include the few for the benefit of the few. Some of these tendencies are as old as the nation itself, as we have harbored our divisions for much of our history.

Certainly, the challenges facing our country are significant. Implicit in this coming election is whether we can possibly surmount what lies ahead as a nation divided or choose a new path that brings our nation back together. Let me be clear: Neither Barack Obama nor Hillary Clinton will solve all our nation's problems, nor can the solutions that we require be imposed by will alone. True change will only come about by working together.

The irony of this primary is that even though people seem to want change, many who are calling for change are also convinced that we need an "expert" instead of an "amateur," especially when that experience boils down to, "I can spin better, I can outmaneuver, I can beat those guys, I play the game better than they do." While that might have been good enough in 1992 or 1996, hopefully we've learned an important lesson: that we have to work with "those guys" to achieve real solutions instead of political quick fixes. Winning the election isn't enough.

I believe the choice is simple: do you want change or would you prefer the comfort of what you know? Do we play the same tired, old game for another four years? I'm ready for a new direction. I'm ready for Barack Obama.

Yes, We Can.

Echeblog Election 2008

Its election time, as if you didn't already know that. As much as I'm hoping Obama will become this country's next President, there are more pressing issues at hand. Specifically -- who is in line to be my husband. And so, I'm presenting Echeblog Election 2008! You guys will get to pick who you think would be the best fantasy husband for me. So, I now present the candidates!

Brady Quinn
For those of you who haven't been paying attention, Brady (the one on the right) and I both attended the University of Notre Dame, though not at the same time. We're both Scorpios as well and that could either mean we're able to understand each other on a very deep level or it might be a recipe for disaster.

Michael Churchill
Ok, he's from New Jersey but he looks like he could have been one of the several hot Mormon kids I grew up with turned beef. The crystal blue eyes and blond fuzz stretched over the flawless chest pretty much embody every Junior High and High School fantasy I ever had. I don't know a damn thing about this guy, but with a face like that, does it really matter?

Gage Wilson
Ok, he's from Sean Cody and supposedly straight, but a) he's still having sex with guys and b) we're allowed to delete those
inconvenient details in an exercise like this.

Ben Browder
I didn't want you guys thinking that I was only going for the 20-something ones in this. Ah, Bens!

Jake Gyllenhaal
I love the beard, Jakey! I definitely think you traded up when you left Kirsten for Reese, but now its time to leave behind these foolish games and settle down with the right guy.

Let the campaigning begin!

Happy New Year!

Hope you guys had a happy and safe New Years Eve. I know New Years brings a lot of talk about possibilities and resolutions and the like. Here we are again talking about hopes and dreams for things to come. Honestly, I feel like 2008 has so much potential, but I've said that the past couple of years. So what makes this year any different?

The past few years have been a challenge for me -- I've seen things seem to come together so many times only to fall apart over and over again. I've come to fell like a lot of that came down to a lack of clarity... for the most part, I had really wanted things to be settled, to have what other people have -- a stable job, a relationship, a place to DJ, stuff like that. While this doesn't seem out of line, at the core of me, I can't help but realize now that I want so much more than that. But what? Where exactly do I want to go? That's the question I've struggled with for the past few years.

While the past few years have been frustrating, I'm coming to understand that they've help me come to understand just what it is I want. For the first time, I can honestly tell myself exactly what I'd like to do with the next several years of my life and it has nothing to do with a guy or a place or trying to shoehorn myself into a particular job or role. Instead, I've had the chance to stop and say, "This is the direction I want to go, this is what I want to create." I don't know how I'm gonna get there or what the next step is, but at the moment, I feel like this is the most important thing I could have done.

World AIDS Day 2007

Intro to Club Music - Part 3

I've gone through a quick, bare bones history of dance music and some of the basic characteristics that sets it apart from other forms. One of the essential elements I've left until now is perhaps the most important -- the DJ.

powered by ODEO
At a basic level, DJing is deceptively simple -- you're playing a bunch of songs, one after another. For some, a DJ is like a human jukebox, or an extension of the radio: judged by whether he or she plays the song you want at the time you want to hear it. There's a place for that, I suppose. No disrespect intended, but this is the type of DJ I'd hire for a wedding or a bar mitzvahs, its not what I want in a club.

As I explained earlier, dance music is designed to fit together like the pieces of a puzzle... or like LEGOs. Taking that analogy a step further, that raises three basic questions: 1) How well do the pieces fit together; 2) How good is the person at putting together the pieces; and 3) what have you made when you put it all together?

Track Selection
So the first issue is what makes a good track? My rule #1 is that a good track must be interesting. That can mean a lot of things and part of it is a matter of taste. For some, "interesting" can mean that its the dance version of the latest pop hit or a something new from a particular artist (or remixer). The downside is that a trendy song can be like bell bottoms -- they were in style once, but when you look at them now you wonder why the hell you ever wore them. There are tracks that were overplayed SO badly that the mention of them make my ears bleed.

The easiest way for me to explain why I find a track interesting is to have you listen to one and I can explain what I like about it.

G Minor (Original Mix) by Exhibit A

powered by ODEO
This is a relatively simple track with a very strong disco feel. So my tastes come into the equation from the start -- I like disco. You start out with a catchy bass hook, slowly layers on a great string part and build until you get to the first breakdown. The first two elements slowly fade back in with the vocals added. You've got a couple of buildups and breakdowns in the song.

So what do I love about this track? The pieces fit together well, I like the style, its a generally pretty track, but besides that, what really sparks my interest? I'll be clear about my biases up front -- my relationship with songs is usually emotional. This song evokes a clear feeling for me, a definite sense of melancholy, starting with the bass line like a drumming at the bass of your stomach and building to a peak before being squelched. It comes back with the vocals added, building relatively quickly until it finally makes its way to the front of your consciousness... There's beauty and pain wrapped up together, along with some remembrance. Ah, the double edged sword of nostalgia.

In the end, this track ends up being much more than the sum of its parts for me. Just a relatively simple track that I'm able to connect with on a very basic level, and that's what makes a track worth listening to in my book.

Intro to Club Music - Part 2

The Basics
So let's take another look at part of Adam's comment: "It all sounds the same to me, pots and pans clanging..."

Adam has identified one of the essential elements of modern dance music. By and large, its much more bass or rhythm driven instead of melody driven. The beat, the groove, the funk -- dance music's essential quality is that its meant to inspire you to dance.

That's not to say that melody isn't important but it usually takes a backseat in dance music. There are some styles (usually tribal) where melody is all but absent and unless its done VERY well, IMO, that can get real old real fast.

powered by ODEO
The other part of Adam's comment - "It all sounds the same to me..." Repetition. Yes, there's a lot more repetition in dance music. Part of that goes back to its purpose -- you need a recognizable, somewhat repetitive rhythm in order to be able to dance. Beyond the basic logistics of it, I feel like the repetition helps you get out of your head. Dance music is meant to be felt, to be experienced. The rhythm and repetition give you that somewhat hypnotic effect that help you move beyond your head and into your body and heart, which is where the magic is. Good dance music is intended to surround you, to move through you.

Another part of that is also the general format of house music -- unlike other styles where you finish one song, stop and then start another, house music is designed to flow from one song to another without stopping, much like interlocking pieces of a puzzle. In order to do that, each song has the same 4/4 meter that allows a DJ to mix them together.

Finally, Adam mentions club music featuring "some unintelligible Diva voice." House music has a range of styles, some with vocals, some without. You can trace the origin of the Diva phenomenon back to house's disco roots - think Donna Summer or Thelma Houston... part of that comes from disco's gospel, blues and soul roots. Part of it is also a quirk of one of house music's core audiences: gay men. The diva has played a big part in the culture of gay men, whether its iconic screen actresses to opera to torch song idols. Its no surprise that the diva figures prominently in house music. I think you'll find less of the diva style when you listen to house music aimed at a straight audience.

That covers the things Adam mentioned in his original comment. In the next entry I'll start talking about what drew me to dance music, what I look for in good dance tracks and what makes a good set.

Intro to Club Music - Part 1

Last night Adam from This Boy Elroy left this comment on Twitter:

"I'm fascinated by people who are into club music. It all sounds the same to me, pots and pans clanging and some unintelligible Diva voice."

Of course, my first reaction was that I really can't expect too much out of Adam -- after all, he went to U of A, so he's just not that bright. And while that's true (I kid, I kid), I suppose that answer is the easy way out. My impression is that there are a lot of people out there who haven't had the opportunity to hear great club music and just don't get what its about. Add on top of it the reality that just like anything else, there's a range of quality when it comes to DJs and club music... kind of like food. There's fast food, gourmet cuisine and everything in between, as well as countless different styles. And so it is with club music.

The Beginning

powered by ODEO
Obviously, music has been around for ages and people have been dancing to it for just as long. Modern dance music traces its roots back to the 70s, New York and disco... but not the sort of stuff you'll find on a cheap "Disco Hits" compilation. Disco fused a number of influences -- latin, soul, funk, gospel, blues -- and at its core was gay and underground. Disco collapsed after the major record labels got ahold of it and turned it into a parody of itself, much like they've done with hip hop. Despite its collapse, disco was essentially reborn in Chicago in the 80s as "house" music, which forms the core of most mainstream dance music. House spawned a number of other styles and sub-genres: techno, trance, and progressive being the most well known. Most modern club music (with the exception of hip hop) is some variation of house.

Voices

Every once in a while you run across a bit of news that makes you stop and smile... not that this world isn't as mixed up as ever, but for a moment you can feel like everything is moving in the right direction. Students at Wilton High School in Wilton, CT had written a play, entitled Voices in Conflict, about the Iraq war featuring first-person accounts of soldiers serving there. Predictably, the play had upset some members of the community and school officials banned them from performing it, despite the students' attempts to revise the script to address the presented concerns. Nonetheless, the students were able to perform at an off-Broadway theatre in New York City, before a standing room only audience.

My point isn't to rant about the war -- regardless of my personal views, I understand that reasonable people can come to a variety of conclusions on the subject. I can also understand why families with brothers, sisters, sons and daughters serving in Iraq would have a tough time swallowing this. At the same time, I'm encouraged that a group of young people who were trying to give a voice to those they felt weren't being heard were able to find a voice of their own... despite the attempts to squelch them. Instead of merely accepting what other people told them to think about a controversial subject -- whether those voices were in support or against, they went out, explored the issue and formed their own opinions... and that is a very encouraging thing.